Hip-Hop's Worst Skits
by Dave Hodgson
June 22, 2012
Skits have been a presence on hip-hop albums for about as long as the game itself. De La Soul originated the format on its 1989 album 3 Feet High and Rising, and since then, listeners have been subjected to the comedy stylings of everyone from DMX to TLC. The ones we're about to highlight aren't just boring or trite. They're the ones that can't be skipped fast enough. They're hip-hop's worst skits!
Skits have been a presence on hip-hop albums for about as long as the game itself. De La Soul originated the format on its 1989 album 3 Feet High and Rising, and since then, listeners have been subjected to the comedy stylings of everyone from DMX to TLC, in mini-scenes that commonly take the form of radio segments, murderous rampages and answering machine messages. Rappers may throw cash around without a care in the world and murder at will, but they also seem to be incredibly meticulous about holding on to their voicemails.
At this point, skits are mostly a relic of the past, but there was a time when you simply couldn’t listen to a hip-hop album without putting up with several tracks of terrible comedy. But the ones we’re about to highlight aren’t just boring or trite. They’re the ones that can’t be skipped fast enough. They’re the ones that if you grab the album on iTunes, you’ll spend more to buy every other track individually so that they never touch your hard drive. They’re hip-hop’s worst skits!
The humour on Eminem’s albums generally succeeds in being sexual and scatological without crossing the line into juvenile. “Ken Kaniff” takes that line, points at it and yells, “This line kinda looks like a dick!” Intended as the final knockout blow in his longstanding feud with the Insane Clown Posse, the track is naught but a cacophony of slurping and sucking noises as Eminem/Ken moans, “Oh, Shaggy… this is why they call you Too Dope, ain’t it?” Game, set and match, Mathers! Except, if you’re trying to argue that your rivals are gay and you’re not, which is a ridiculous argument to begin with, doesn’t it accomplish the opposite when you devote an entire track of your album to a fantasy scenario where they give you a blowjob?
Wyclef Jean – “Words of Wisdom”
When I think “funny,” I don’t think “Wyclef Jean”, and there’s a reason for that. Specifically, this track. Wyclef presents a cautionary tale: “Have you ever been sitting in your house at two o’clock in the morning, and you get a mysterious phone call from a girl that you don’t know?” No? Maybe it’s a Haitian thing. Well, Wyclef continues, definitely don’t invite them over for a sexual dalliance. Because if I understand what happens next, which I probably don’t due to terrible editing and Wyclef using the same voice for every character, you will be accused of rape. This is subtly imparted through Wyclef yelling “RAPE!” twelve times in a row. Did… Wyclef Jean just rape Wyclef Jean? If so, this just went from worst skit to best!
Ludacris – “Black Man’s Struggle”
After a dignified voice announces, “Ladies and gentlemen, the black man’s struggle,” we are shockingly not treated to a thought-provoking meditation on the nature of race in modern society. Instead, we hear a man, presumably Ludacris, take a noisy, strained dump and flush it down the toilet. Am I expecting too much from an album called “Chicken N Beer”, with a cover that features Ludacris eating a woman’s leg like a chicken wing? Yes. But this still sucks.
The Fugees – “Chinese Restaurant”
More of Wyclef Jean’s finely honed comic wit! The Fugees were known for their socially-conscious lyrics and content, which makes it utterly baffling as to why they would produce a scene based around a Chinese character named “Chang Wang,” who speaks with a stereotypical broken accent. In this skit the male members of the group attempt to order beef fried rice, only for Wang to think they “have beef” and start throwing karate chops at them, all while a Chinese stringed instrument plays in the background. This is about the time that Lauryn Hill started thinking a solo career might not be a bad idea.
Snoop Dogg – “WBALLS”
If you like dirty words, then this skit is for you. It’s a fake radio broadcast from a station named WBALLS that’s basically an excuse to shoehorn as many filthy double entendres into a thirty-second span as possible. But the references are so poorly constructed that they’re basically just entendres. “DJ Suk T Balls”? “Stay tuned for Easy Dick and the Jackoff Hour”? What am I supposed to do with those? And radio call signs are four letters, not six. It should be WSAC or something.
Oh, God, I’m punching up a hip-hop skit. I think we’re done here.
Tags: Music, Uncategorized, Dave Hodgson, Eminem, hip-hop, Ludacris, The Fugees, Wyclef Jean
