Music

POP UNCULTURED: A roundup of weird music news for the week ending March 9

by Anne T. Donahue

Since it’s impossible to address the total madness of the music industry in only five days, Pop Uncultured saves some of the week’s strangest stories for Friday afternoon. Enjoy?

Now you can watch Britney Spears‘ face morph through time

And you will never, ever un-see it.

Fiona Apple‘s new album is 23 words long [FULL STORY]

Titled The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than The Drive Of The Screw, And Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do, the album will reportedly drop in June, and is rumoured to have been produced by Joey Jo-Jo Junior Shabadoo who used years of torment to fuel their work.

John Mayer is going on an indefinite hiatus

Forced to cancel his tour due to prolonged vocal chords issues, John Mayer has announced that he has “no choice but to take an indefinite break from live performing.” According to Us Weekly, the singer has explained and apologized through his blog and promises that he’ll “find a way to make it mean something.” So until he comes back, let’s all just take comfort in John Mayer’s greatest contribution to music so far:

But only with:

(“I use my hands…”)

Amber Tamblyn sent emails to Tyrese pretending to be Amber Rose [FULL STORY]

After Tyrese mistakenly emailed Amber Tamblyn asking her to collaborate, the actress sent fake demos that she recorded through her iPhone. Dubbing them “Awareness Raps,” Tamblyn has since referred to herself as “The Hilary Clinton of Ghostface Killahs” and did such a good job that I don’t even need to make a joke about it:

Taylor Swift wore Kanye West‘s designs in Australia’s Harper’s Bazaar(!!!)

In an act of heroism, Taylor Swift buried the proverbial hatchet and showcased Kanye West’s designs in Australia’s Harper’s Bazaar. I’m not 100% sure, but I think this is DONDA.

Adele thinks her mansion is haunted [FULL STORY]

Adele is reportedly afraid to walk around her 25-acre Sussex property because she believes it is haunted. Having promoted her driver to bodyguard at £100,000 a year, the singer has also hired two additional security guards to help keep watch over the grounds. Not to say that I believe in ghosts, guys, but I’ll assume she woke up to this:

Jessica Simpson posed pregnant and nude on the cover of Elle

So maybe this is what Adele actually saw:

Tom Hanks‘ rapper son Chet Haze posted shirtless photos online

Likely to compete with Olivia Munn, rapper Chet Haze posted “topless” photos of himself online, captioning “Apologies to all boyfriends” and “Okay ladies one more ;)” Unimpressed, Tom Hanks responded by picking Chet up, throwing him into the ocean and screaming his apologies. This was, of course, after Plan A failed:

“My name isn’t Buzz.” – Chet Haze [via ONTD]

Darren Aronofsky directs a J Lo ad

And Vulture reports that, in the most controversial step of his career, director Darren Aronofsky has directed a J Lo ad for Kohls clothing:

And I think we can all agree what pop culture phenomenon THIS parallels:

Sorry, Natalie.

Brandy and Monica‘s “It All Belongs To Me” video is finally out

It all belongs to all of us.

<3