Sports

Adele might play Super Bowl 2017's halftime show

by Tyler Munro

An important distinction to make concerning the Super Bowl is this: The half-time show isn’t for necessarily for football fans, the game is.

On a global scale, the NFL doesn’t compare to soccer, cricket, or even field hockey, and yet the Super Bowl remains one of the most watched television events of the year, sports or otherwise. That’s largely because while hundreds of millions of football fans tune into watch two teams beat the hell out of each other, another hundred million-plus are more concerned with what songs Beyoncé’s going to sing, whether the Red Hot Chili Peppers can keep their cock socks on, and if Missy Elliot’s starting her comeback trail for real this time.

This year, things will not buck the trend — if reports are to believed, Adele is set to follow in the footsteps of noted jock-jammers Coldplay as the favourite to play the Super Bowl LI half-time show. We say this every year, but it makes sense: While NFL’s outspoken gaggle of dad-fans would obviously rather just watch Bruce Springsteen and his leather vest do their thing, Adele, like Bruno Mars, Black Eyed Peas and even Michael Jackson before her, can bring in a bigger audience.

The numbers supporting this are staggering: Adele’s 25 has sold a staggering 20 million copies worldwide, “Hello” has been watched on YouTube more than 1.6 billion times, and seriously, “Someone Like You” is a fucking classic.

At this point, the question isn’t whether it’s been offered to her, but whether she says yes: Rumours out of, well, whoever starts rumours, is that her well documented stage fight might be too much to bear.

As we wait for confirmation, remember that these annual leaks are usually pretty on point. If that bothers you, as a football fan, remember this: There are few breaks in football, and if you’re not an Adele fan, halftime is the perfect chance to try and pass the no doubt pound-plus of meat, cheese and beer you’ve consumed throughout the day.

We’re talking about pooing and peeing, by the way.