Father John Misty claims to have stolen mystical crystal

by Jeremy Mersereau

July 14, 2016

0

0

0

0

0

Email this article to a friend

'To whomever took her out the door, you do not want the energy of a stolen crystal, please trust me!'

Another day, another New Age health shop in California has its magical healing crystal stolen by a folk-rock superstar.

The Moon Juice shop, long a trusted Los Angeles resource for ‘plant-based alchemy’, ‘sex dust’ and aura maintenance, posted a missive to its Instagram decrying the theft of its prized rose quartz. According to the post, “this loving rock has given so much to an entire community and has so much to share”, but the magical stone (not to mention its attendant karmic benefit) was sadly taken from the premises under suspicious circumstances earlier this week.

So who could have stolen the precious, useless trinket? Just a dreadlocked freegan named Lake looking for some help astral projecting or whatever? Noted snake oil/moon goop aficionado Gwyneth Paltrow? Well, what about indie darling and premium-tier beard owner Father John Misty?

True, Misty’s never delivered the most trustworthy testimony, but maybe this time he’s on the level? Displaying a frankly shocking disregard for any possible karmic retribution and psychic distress, Misty says it was the universe itself that saw fit to gift him with the crystal at a crucial “pivot moment” in his life, that there’s “no significance” to the crystal ending up in his pocket, and that the crystal is only “random phenomena.” Yep, even if he didn’t do it, he can at least talk the talk.

He couldn’t resist letting the persona fall for a second and taking a swipe at Moon Juice’s smoothies though:

Also your smoothies are inconsistent to say the least but largely impossible to steal so that is an injustice that I must face, and I accept with an open heart knowing that each watery gulp is an invaluable teaching moment.

However, Moon Juice owner and gooper-in-chief Amanda Chantal Bacon (yep), isn’t convinced Misty is the culprit, for some reason:

“As of yet the crystal has not been returned. We remain hopeful that it will be. As for Father John Misty claiming responsibility, I’m skeptical! If he does have it, however, I invite him to come on over, return the crystal, and I’ll make him a Moon Milk that will blow his mind.

I don’t even want to know what ‘making him a Moon Milk” is a metaphor for.

[h/t BBC]

Tags: Music, News, crystal, Father John Misty, moon juice, new age, rose quartz

0

0

0

0

0

Email this article to a friend