Music

Justin Bieber got dreads, and we all feel dread

by Jeremy Mersereau

Look, no one expects the Biebs to pay too much mind to concerns about cultural appropriation, or even personal hygiene, but this? This is beyond the pale.

Why

A photo posted by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber) on Apr 3, 2016 at 12:32am PDT

Why, indeed. We must quarantine dreadlock ground zero before this sickness spreads further.

To be fair, we could’ve seen this coming, and not just because Bieber started getting bummed out about spiritual energy or whatever: He also leapt to defend his pal Kylie Jenner against claims of racism and cultural appropriation last summer when she opted to put her hair in corn rows. I mean, on her head, not doling it out in a farmer’s field, though I wouldn’t put that past her either.

“Saying she’s being racist because she wants her hair in braids is ridiculous,” said Bieber. “Let’s focus on the bigger picture and instead of fighting over something stupid let’s do something about equality, but it doesn’t start here blasting a 17 year old kid for wearing braids smh.”

Pro tip for all the baffled parents out there who want to make sure their kids don’t fall victim to the dreadlock mafia: ‘smh’ stands for “sick musty hair”, and is a sure sign your child is dabbling in cultural appropriation and shampoo austerity. Take action now!