Music

Weezer's Rivers Cuomo bizarrely annotates his own creepy lyrics

by Jesse Locke

Weezer continue to mess us up forever with their latest music video for “Thank God for Girls.” The three-minute clip features a grown-up looking man acting like a baby with a plate of cannoli as “the girl from the pastry shop” feeds him and cleans up his face. It doesn’t seem like everything will be alright in the end because this musical car crash isn’t really cute or funny or “weird” or even entertaining. It basically just reveals that Rivers Cuomo’s understanding of adult relationships is still pretty muddled. Watch it below:

If you had any questions about the intentions behind this infantilization anthem, Cuomo has now posted his own annotation of the lyrics on the Genius website. Besides the admission that some of the lines date back to 1997, fun facts include his use of Tinder and video Skype in dating misadventures (yikes), that “Holla Jesu Christe” is “Ebonics plus Latin for the win” (shudder), and that he used to look at the underwear page of the Sears catalog (no duh). He also references As You Like It, an osprey fledgling he saw at Martha’s Vineyard, and a Hindu fakir enduring pain on a bed of nails, which is probably how anyone reading these annotations is starting to feel.

The most revealing passage, however, is an extended annotation for the already cringe-inducing lyrics “She’s so big / She’s so strong / She’s so energetic in her sweaty overalls”:

I’m so jealous of the hooker-uppers
Seems like it’s so easy to get laid now
all these good looking atheletic young guys
r getting so much free sex
it kills me

laxitutes.
Such a bummer. Such a bummer.
To be evaluated by women. To be graded. To be rated.
Where do I stand? How big? How strong? How enduring? How energetic? How inventive?
So sad that it comes to this. So sad.

It IS a competition and I AM being compared.

Yup.