Music

Morrissey's debut novel earns accolades from Bad Sex In Fiction Award

by Jesse Locke

Morrissey has always had a memorable way with words. Just check out the sterling subtlety of his recent animal rights anthem “The Bullfighter Dies”: “”Hooray, hooray / the bullfighter dies / and nobody cries / because we all want the bull to survive.”

Two years after his best-selling memoir, the former Smiths frontman has now released his debut novel, List Of The Lost. The story of a relay team cursed by a demon (yup) has already already earned accolades from the Bad Sex In Fiction Award who call it the book ‘an obvious frontrunner’ for 2015. Check out the juiciest passage below:

“Eliza and Ezra rolled together into the one giggling snowball of full-figured copulation, screaming and shouting as they playfully bit and pulled at each other in a dangerous and clamorous rollercoaster coil of sexually violent rotation with Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across Ezra’s howling mouth and the pained frenzy of his bulbous salutation extenuating his excitement as it smacked its way into every muscle of Eliza’s body except for the otherwise central zone.”

“Giggling snowballs” and “bulbous salutations” are definitely up there with the yecchiest efforts of past nominees Stephen King and Haruki Murakami, but Morrissey has the deft touch of a seasoned veteran, according to a statement from the literary reviewers. “Morrissey’s sex scene is an astonishing bid by a first time novelist for this year’s Bad Sex In Fiction Award. It’s convoluted, overwrought and profoundly unsexy. List Of The Lost could have done with less of lust.”