Music

11 musicians in a drunken stupor

by Mark Teo

As Torontonians discovered yesterday, a lot can happen while in a drunken stupor. In fact, peruse the still-trending hashtag #inadrunkenstupor, and you’ll find plenty of fodder, not all exclusively related to disgraced—but still mayor—Rob Ford, who yesterday admitted to smoking crack (which he says he did in a drunken stupor, natch).

Of course, the Twittersphere was set afire with the news, and plenty of musicians jumped into the fray. Take Stars’ ever-vocal singer Torquil Campbell, who gave the mayor quite the tongue-lashing on Twitter.

why should anyone in toronto follow any of the city’s laws today? until he resigns, there should be zero drug arrests in the city of toronto

— torquilcampbell (@torquilcampbell) November 5, 2013

 

Ouch. Now Torq, you know what they say: Let he who is without sin cast the first, er, rock. Plenty of us have done regrettable things while in a drunken stupor, including musicians. Like these 11.

 

David Hasselhoff

Lest we forget, the Hoff isn’t just a Baywatch star—his silken songs, like “Hooked On a Feeling,” have also propelled his internationally successful music career. Not that it puts him above the occasional drunken stupor, as in the above video, where he inhales a cheeseburger while laying shirtless on the floor. It’s not a flattering look, but hey—at least he’s not ingesting any mind-altering substances.

 

Dave Mustaine

Dave Mustaine, the all-world crazyman and preternaturally talented guitarist behind Megadeth, has been known to enjoy a drink or two. In fact, it was reported that, while playing with an early iteration of Metallica, he poured a beer on Ron McGovney’s instrument—and the electric shock propelled the bassist clear across the room. His hard-drinking ways eventually got him kicked out of Metallica—apparently he isn’t quite as invincible as, say, this guy.

 

Justin Bieber

When Biebs gets in one of his moods, he gets handsy. Sometimes, it leads him into Brazilian brothels. But other times, he’ll pick up his phone to record wacky, if harmless, Instagram videos, which, undoubtedly, is far superior to picking up a cocaine-and-baking-soda habit. Right, Justin?

 

DMX

X’s drunken antics have earned him headlines world-over—he’s given drunken interviews before, and he reportedly once fell asleep while being charged with a DUI. The above video shows him at his inebriated best, bringing in random people (including some random bikers) in from the street to hang out with Ruff Ryders. We appreciate DMX’s inclusivity—at the very least, he isn’t disparaging Liberal leaders, homosexuals, and immigrants.

 

Drake

In “Marvin’s Room,” Drizzy admits to what he does when the nights get late and his liver gets saturated with rosé—the oversentimental, melancholy Forest Hill kid texts his old flings. Sure, he might regret those texts the morning following—but it sure beats, say, getting kicked out of the Bier Markt.

 

Ke$ha

Notorious pee-drinking party champ Ke$ha is notorious for her lush antics—heck, most of her songs are about overindulgence. But at least when she’s had too many Red Bull and vodkas, she’s still able to dance—and we trust that her dancing isn’t quite “lolling back in a chair” and “waving her arms around erratically.”

 

Kanye

Man, Kayne is sure a ball of positivity when he’s in the stupor zone, eh? Here, a takedown of corporate culture! There, overzealous platitudes about Pusha T! And last time we checked, hasn’t commented on straight people being unable to get AIDS, the takeover of “Oriental people,” or anyone’s wife going to Iran “to get raped and shot.”

 

R. Kelly

SO WHAT. I’M DRUNK. IT IS THE FREAKING WEEKEND, BABY, AND I’M GOING TO HAVE ME SOME FUN. Sure, Kells. But then, you went and peed on a minor and tried to blame the whole fiasco on your brother. We didn’t see that one coming.

 

Courtney Love

Apparently, when Courtney Love gets stupor-fied, she goes on national television and tries to take her shirt off. And… yes, there might’ve been other substances involved here.

 

Ol’ Dirty Bastard

When Ol’ Dirty got drunk as hell, he was still an incredible freestyle rapper. And occasionally, he’d interrupt awards ceremonies to remind us that “Wu Tang is for the children,” which is roughly comparable to getting drunk at a CJPAC rally and grabbing a dreadlocked Toronto councillor’s ass. Right?

 

Scott Stapp

When he’s not making sex vids with Kid Rock, a drunken Scott Stapp likes to do one thing: Gamble. Maybe he’ll swing by Toronto’s waterfront casino for a few cold ones when it opens never. And that’s a cause for celebration.