Coldplay enlist openers that are far more exciting than Coldplay for European tour
by Aaron Zorgel
March 6, 2012
Don't let Chris Martin's exciting-looking stage leap fool you. Aside from some of the early jams on Parachutes, and one other incredible song, Coldplay are the posterboys of bland, boring, palatable Brit rock. They're not bad -- in fact, they're quite good at what they do. It's just that Coldplay is the most inoffensive popular rock band on the planet. Let's face it; they've never chased that China white through the black tar desert. They've never paid a prostitute to stick a yam up her butt. They're probably all really polite to each other. They probably sit around drinking tea, and talk about their favourite charities. Pshhh.
Don’t let Chris Martin’s exciting-looking stage leap fool you. Aside from some of the early jams on Parachutes, and one other incredible song, Coldplay are the posterboys of bland, boring, palatable Brit rock. They’re not bad — in fact, they’re quite good at what they do. It’s just that Coldplay is the most inoffensive popular rock band on the planet. Let’s face it; they’ve never chased that China white through the black tar desert. They’ve never paid a prostitute to stick a yam up her butt. They’re probably all really polite to each other. They probably sit around drinking tea, and talk about their favourite charities. Pshhh.
In order to stave off their own pervasive dullness, Coldplay have enlisted a pretty impressive roster of tourmates for their recently announced European stint.
Robyn! That dancing Swedish pop pixie we all know and love.
Rita Ora! The latest Roc Nation signee. Kosovo born, current London-ite. (We wrote about her last week)
Frank Ocean! The crowned King of PBR&B. The only member of Odd Future who will likely never sing about rape!
Marina & The Diamonds! This Welsch indie-pop singer-songwriter is the most commercially unproven among the openers, but she will be a good fit on the bill. Her musical flexibility ranges from piano ballads, to full band electro-pop hits.
Ash! Even these Irish alt-rockers are tagging along for one show.
All kidding aside, Coldplay have assembled a pretty stellar lineup for European audiences. It’s too bad no audience will get to experience all 5 acts on one bill. I’d skip Coldplay to see the 4 openers in a second. Check out the dates and line-ups below.
May 18 – Porto, Dragao Stadium – Marina & the Diamonds and Rita Ora
May 20 – Madrid, Vicente Calderon – Marina & the Diamonds and Rita Ora
May 22 – Nice, Stade Charles Herman / Nikaia – Marina & the Diamonds and Rita Ora
May 24 – Turin, Olympic Stadium – Marina & the Diamonds and Rita Ora
May 26 – Zurich, Letzigrund Stadium – Marina & the Diamonds and Rita Ora
May 29 – Coventry – Ricoh Stadium – Robyn and Rita Ora
June 1 – London, Emirates Stadium – Marina & the Diamonds and Ash
June 2 – London, Emirates Stadium – Robyn and Rita Ora
June 4 – London, Emirates Stadium – Robyn and Rita Ora
June 7 – Sunderland, Stadium of Light – Robyn and Rita Ora
June 9 – Manchester, Etihad Stadium – Robyn and Rita Ora
June 10 – Manchester. Etihad Stadium – Robyn and Rita Ora
Aug. 28 – Copenhagen, Parken Stadium – Marina & the Diamonds and Frank Ocean
Aug. 30 – Stockholm, Olympic Stadium – Marina & the Diamonds and Frank Ocean
Sept. 2 – Paris, Stade de France – Marina & the Diamonds and Frank Ocean
Sept. 4 – Cologne, Rhein Energie Stadium – Marina & the Diamonds and Frank Ocean
Sept. 6 – The Hague, Malieveld – Marina & the Diamonds and Frank Ocean
Sept. 12 – Munich, Olympiastadion – Marina & the Diamonds and Frank Ocean
Sept. 14 – Leipzig, Red Bull Stadium – Marina & the Diamonds and Frank Ocean
Sept. 16 – Prague, Slavia Eden Stadium – Marina & the Diamonds and Frank Ocean
Sept. 19 – Warsaw, National Stadium – Marina & the Diamonds and Frank Ocean
Sept. 22 – Hannover, AWD Arena – Marina & the Diamonds and Frank Ocean
