Music

Tom DeLonge's 700-page novel about aliens is nearly here

by Jeremy Mersereau

Plucky, irrepressible Blink-182 founder Tom DeLonge is about to enter the lucrative field of self-publishing with a new, massive novel about government conspiracies and UFOs.

Sekret Machines Book 1: Chasing Shadows is out tomorrow, and anyone craving a 704-page, $69.95 USD novel co-authored by the world’s kookiest pop-punk hero that comes bundled with an exclusive Angels and Airwaves EP ought to be excited. That’s right, the only way they can get people to buy Angel and Airwaves EPs is to bundle them with shitty, enormous tomes that even Fox Mulder would hesitate before ordering. “$69.95? Better check with Scully”.

The book, co-authored with fifth-grader favourite A.J. Hartley, purports to reveal “fascinating secrets surrounding the true, well-documented events of Unidentified Aerial Phenomenon”.

“I think there are going to be a lot of people who aren’t going to believe it. They won’t take a minute to read some of the material. They’ll hear ‘Oh, Tom’s doing some alien, flying saucer thing,'” DeLonge told GQ. Well, he’s not wrong about that. Maybe he should look into whether or not he has psychic powers?

Order SMB1: CS here, if you’re so inclined, but remember the old adage: ‘A fool and his money are soon parted by nonsense conspiracy books by former pop-punk royalty.” Wisdom.

No word on whether the book will address the biggest conspiracy of our time: why everyone keeps humouring Tom DeLonge.