Sports

Remembering Kobe Bryant's failed rap career on the day of his retirement

by Tyler Munro

They’re calling it #MambaDay.

Coming off of his worst season yet, NBA great Kobe Bryant is finally calling it quits. Tonight, he’ll lace up for his last game ever, squaring off against the Utah Jazz.

For sports fans, this is a big deal. In spite of the controversy that once followed him — y’know, the whole Colorado incident — Kobe has ingrained himself as an NBA legend thanks to his tireless work ethic, vicious competitive streak, and unmistakeable talent. His shittiness as a teammate, well… that’s another story.

While the Jordan-aping superstar retires with five rings, an MVP trophy, and a handful of “holy shit” moments, music fans remember him for a different reason. This one involves Tyra Banks.

Before he hit the league, Kobe was a backpack rap fan signed to Sony with his high school hip-hop group. Four years into his career, Sony decided to try and make something of it. They announced Bryant’s solo album and helped him push his first single, the eponymous and super, super horrible “K.O.B.E.,” which featured Tyra Banks in the hook. We’re not sure why either.

Like the Dwight Howard experiment, the song tanked. He performed it at All Star weekend, something wiped from fans’ memories thanks to Vince Carter’s monumental dunk contest performance that same year.

Eventually, the song drifted into a footnote on Kobe Bryant’s storied career. The album was never released.

Now, hours before his retirement, we’re remembering it once more. Worse when he broke up a dynasty, pouted his way to the brink of a trade and, after two more rings, spent nearly two full seasons on the bench with various old man ailments.

Love him or hate him, Kobe Bryant was — is — a sports icon. He’s inspired millions of athletes, been the butt of many memes, and given players and coaches in the league nightmares. We’re looking at you, Sam Mitchell.

But beneath his legacy, he was also a really terrible musician. On a day filled with sycophancy, it’s important to take the good with the bad, and other than that, er, one thing, it doesn’t get much worse for Bryant than “K.O.B.E.”