Music

A man is petitioning the United Nations to stop Phil Collins' return

by Jeremy Mersereau

“Phil Collins has announced he is ‘no longer in retirement.’ There is far too much suffering in the world as it is. This must be stopped,” a new petition on Change.org says, calling for the English music legend to abandon his recently announced plans to return to music.

The petition is currently sitting at 2,481 signatures, and is addressed to the United Nations. Smart move: only the international organization has the power and influence to counter a man whose conceptual rock powers have no rival. I mean, the man wrote songs from the POV of Tarzan AND a bear! You can’t take any chances.

The petition organizer, one “Brian Pee” of the UK, recently updated signees with the following:

I have contacted this petition and offered to meet (with Phil) and discuss a settlement.
The terms I have offered are that Phil may make his tour, book his stadiums, sell his tickets, but must not sing, no one may sing his songs, and his music must never be performed.
As yet I have received no reply.

Sounds like a pretty sweet deal, actually… all the money and none of the work… the lamb could just lie down on Broadway and still get paid! Against all odds, rival petitions from Phil Collins superfans (one of whom named their car ‘Phil Collins’) have predictably cropped up to take on Mr. Pee and his legions of No Jacket Required haters.

I’m sure this is what the makers of Change.org envisioned when they started the site, rather than say, calls for the New Zealand government to recognize the Armenian genocide.