Sports

A brief history of the Lil B Curse

by Tyler Munro

NBA players are a superstitious bunch. Not just a Space Jam subplot, Michael Jordan famously wore his college shorts underneath his Bulls uniform throughout his career; Kevin Garnett starts every pre-game warmup by head butting the basketball stanchion like it spit in his soup; Lebron James has wasted more chalk than a sidewalk artist in a thunderstorm.

Then there’s religion — obviously, a lot of players pray before and after games. But if ballers want to secure themselves some success, they’ll need to make some room for the Based God.

Earlier this month, while pushing his partnership with jean-embroidery behemoths True Religion, Russell Westbrook was asked about Lil B’s fashion sense. He said he hadn’t heard of him.

Big mistake.

Lil B’s superstitious wrath has haunted professional athletes for years. It’s like the Madden Curse, sans barbecue stains. Oddly, the biggest victims of the Based God’s curse are former teammates.

Most sports fans became aware of the curse in the last year when he duked it out on Twitter with Houston Rockets shooting guard James Harden, but it actually dates back a few years earlier to when Harden was a 6th man leading the Oklahoma City Thunder’s bench.

In 2011, as Kevin Durant led his Oklahoma City Thunder team through the lockout shortened season all the way to the NBA Finals, he tweeted the following:

Lil B responded, cooly and calmly:

And thus the Based God’s curse was born. Kevin Durant didn’t win the title that year. In the seaons since, the Thunder haven’t returned to the NBA Finals, and while Durant went onto win the league MVP two seasons later, he spent most of his time of late on the bench, hurt and in a suit. Last year, he started the season dealing with a small fracture in his foot. Then he hurt his ankle. Then he sprained his toe. Then he had foot surgery. Currently, he’s fighting a hamstring pull. The moral? One does not sidestep the legacy of the Based God.

Next on Lil B’s hit-list was James Harden, Durant’s former teammate (who left following the Thunder’s failed Finals run, perhaps sensing the dread). The NBA’s hard-partying anthropomorphic beard had a quick ascent to stardom and suddenly found himself without a proper celebration.

So he stole one.

An MVP candidate last year, placing second in voting to human video game and Pistol Pete incarnate Stephen Curry, James Harden quickly took to a stir-the-pot cooking celebration. Thing is, that was Lil B’s dance.

See?

No matter how hard he pled ignorance, Lil B just wasn’t buying it. Lazily, Harden said he hadn’t heard of Lil B, but like something out of a Maury episode, Kreayshawn quickly determined that was a lie.

Thus, the curse intensified. Lil B was unrelenting, and the Warriors went on to dominate the Rockets in Game 5; Harden, the Rockets’ best player, shot 18 per cent and finished with 12 turnovers — as a team, the Warriors finished with 16.

James Harden, like Kevin Durant, had no recourse. He was caught in a lie and cursed because of it. Did Lil B want him to stop the dance? No. He just wanted a little credit. And at a time when Lebron James admits his famous floor-stomp was pioneered by Nick the Quick Van Exel, giving a little credit where it’s due shouldn’t be the end all for Harden. Like, bro: Is your legacy worth it?

Which brings us back to Russell Westbrook. A teammate of two former victims of the Based God’s curse, can we really believe he hasn’t heard of Lil B? Lil B doesn’t buy it.

Also, he thinks Russell Westbrook looks like a sandwich.

As of writing this, Westbrook hasn’t yet been officially cursed. Instead, he’s putting up monster numbers on a Durant-less Thunder team that’s lost two straight. He is walking a fine line, failing to get wins in spite of his incredible individual achievements.

Lil B giveth and Lil B taketh away, but the little bugger—real name Brandon McCartney—is anything but petty. He held no grudge against his hometown Golden State Warriors when he didn’t make the cut after trying out for the team a few years back, and his brief foray into baseball saw a Based God-endorsed Blue Jays beating the Texas Rangers in a come-from-behind, city councillor-endorsed series win.

James Harden, meanwhile, is right back where he started. Lil B lifted the curse against him in June, but it didn’t last. Before the start of the current NBA season, Harden told fans on Instagram that it was “7 days until the cook is back to work.”

Big mistake.

“The Curse is back active,” he told TMZ. “Harden has gone too far this time.”

The Houston Rockets, originally considered NBA Finals favourites behind the Spurs, Cavaliers and the Warriors, are off to a disappointing 4-7 start this season. Ever the optimist, Lil B is rooting for Harden to break the curse. But until he apologizes, it sticks.

The lesson? Tread lightly, Russell.