Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale are divorcing

by Jeremy Mersereau

August 4, 2015

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Don't speak. Don't tell me 'cause it hurts.

The music power couple of the last decade, No Doubt’s Gwen Stefani and Bush X’s Gavin Rossdale, have officially filed for divorce, according to bastion of professional journalism/exhibit A of cultural atrophy TMZ.

Oh man, the pun opportunities… I don’t even know where to start! Guess the chemicals between them are no longer volatile; hopefully Rossdale and Stefani can keep everything zen through this difficult time. Gavin Rossdale, walking through the spiderwebs in the attic as he packs his things: “Blimey, where in the bloody HELL did she put my machinehead?” Boom! That’s how it’s done.

The couple married in 2002, an era when both of their stars shone considerably brighter and having an all-Japanese troupe of backup dancers seemed like an insanely cool idea rather than a deeply problematic one (in fact, back then, the word problematic hadn’t even been invented). Stefani and Rossdale filed divorce documents at the same time, citing the old chestnut of ‘irreconcilable differences’ as their reason for calling it quits. Under California divorce law, the couple must split all their properties 50/50, as they had no pre-nuptial agreement. “Steady on mate, you’re liable to give her a right flogging!” – Rossdale, comparing his assets to Stefani’s, probably.

The couple has three children together, and both are asking for joint support. “While the two of us have come to the mutual decision that we will no longer be partners in marriage, we remain partners in parenthood and are committed to jointly raising our three sons in a happy and healthy environment” the pair said in an admirable statement.

Gwen must be pretty stoked about one thing though: She already has the perfect song for this ready to go. Now she just needs to dig the Harajuku Girls’ number out of her Rolodex and tell The Voice she’s quitting, and she’ll be back on top in no time. Carson Daly, on Gwen’s answering machine: “Where are you?! We’re about to shoot!” “Sorry I’m not home again…”

Tags: Music, News, Divorce, gavin rossdale, Gwen Stefani

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