Music

This punk band is raising money to get their drummer killed

by Mark Teo

Earlier this month, the Supreme Court of Canada legalized physician-assisted suicide—that is, euthanasia— to great fanfare: According to the Toronto Star, roughly 80 per cent of Canadians support the ruling. The news may be of great interest to Without Mother Fucking Order, a veteran punk band who’s crowdfunding money to send their drummer, Crash, to the Pearly Gates. Even better yet: They’re hoping to behead him.

OK, physician-assisted deaths typically don’t involve beheading. So if the band wants to dispose of Crash, they’ll have to look elsewhere, which is why they’re trying to raise funds for the murder. They’ve launched a GoFundMe page (which has since been taken down, likely because the site doesn’t support crowd-funded killing) hoping to raise a meagre $100. It is, perhaps, the most fatal drummer joke we’ve ever heard.

According to the Riverfront Times, the GoFundMe page announced the band’s intentions with this message.

Crash has gotten so old, that we at Without Mother Fucking Order Industries have decided it’s best he be euthanized. We have waited 16 years for him to die of old age, but recently discovered that he is a Highlander much like Connor MacLeod, and the only way he can die is by decapitation.

Better yet, Without Mother Fucking Order’s curiously named singer, Captain Perverto, announced that they’ll use the $100 to create a head-removing implement. The band, he told the Times, have tried to behead him using a sword, but were unable to complete the job because they’re “a bunch of nerds who only have those cheap Samurai replicas.”

The band has even drawn a diagram of the head-ripping instrument.

It’s possible, too, that the band removed their GoFundMe page because they reached their funding goal. If that’s the case, good night, sweet Crash.

Watch Without Motherfucking Order’s singer get punched and kicked repeatedly in the head in the video below.