Music

The Sex Pistols are too fat to reunite

by Mark Teo

For classic bands, reuniting is a dicey proposition: If you succeed, you cement your all-time status in the musical canon. If you fail, you risk ruining your legacy forever. My Bloody Valentine, for example, returned from a decades-long hiatus to become ever bigger—and after their round of MBV tour dates, all we could talk about was how deafeningly loud they were. Neutral Milk Hotel, meanwhile, impressed us by sounding just as they used to. But for every success, there’s rampant failures: The listless Pixies seem to show up to collect cheques. A Peter Hook-less New Order likely doesn’t feel like New Order at all. And others, like Sex Pistols, refuse to reunite because age has caught up—and since the ’70s, their members have added a few festive pounds.

John Lydon, see, apparently doesn’t want to tarnish his legacy with his current-day saggy man boobs. The Rolling Stones, the acerbic punk rocker says, are embarrassing themselves—and their rep isn’t one he wants for the Sex Pistols. “Did anybody see last year’s Glastonbury? I mean come on Mick… it’s not about age here, its about the show off bullshit. I wanted the Stones to give us the juice, the stuff that really put them there in the first place….

“But no, it’s Mick in ladies’ tights and his testicles are frocked and he’s running around like a speed freak and then there’s the band looking incredibly embarrassed…. If I turn into that… then you’re all welcome.”

So no, the Sex Pistols aren’t reuniting. Besides, he added, they might not be physically able to—jumping around onstage, after all, can be tiring. “I mean have you seen us? I mean We’ve all put on weight but Mr. [Steve] Jones here is coming in at 500 pounds! And I did the butter advert!”

And that butter advert? Check that below. These days, Lydon may be a better adman than punk-rock frontman.

[H/T NME]