Music

13 Craigslist Missed Connections from the Canadian summer festival season

by Mohan Fitzgerald

Admit it: If you have the tiniest narcissistic bone in your body, you’ve checked Craigslist’s Missed Connections. We know we have. And why not? There’s a wonderful mystique around the section—it’s where people go to see if there’s a spark behind everyday chance encounters at the grocery store, the coffee shop, or the gym. It’s where the lovelorn go to confess their secret crushes. It’s where a city’s romantics congregate. (OK, maybe that’s optimistic. Mostly, it’s filled with crusty old dudes ogling their Starbucks’ barista’s butt.)

Accordingly, after every festival season, Craigslist is teeming with Missed Connections. It’s filled with people who danced together at Osheaga but forgot to exchange numbers. Or anonymous oglers at OVO fest. Or simply those who met in the washroom. And here, we’ve assembled our favourites.

 Man felt sexual flirtation through his dance with at least 3 women 

A time-tested strategy for winning a girl’s affection: not quite distinguishing between her and two other women. The music was really the spark that ignited this man’s love-torch, and so what if it happened to light three torches simultaneously? This is obviously a very passionate man we’re talking about here. When he’s not wearing Led Zeppelin t-shirts, he just plain isn’t wearing shirts.

Man asserts that he is not a rapist

Nothing says “I’m a trustworthy sexual partner” like disturbingly grainy voyeuristic images and preemptive assertions about not being a rapist.

Man too high to approach beautiful lady

A tale as old as time itself: man and woman separated by cosmic forces beyond their control. For Romeo and Juliet, it was the vicious and perennial feud of warring families; for these star-crossed lovers, it was weed.

Man apologizes for admiring “pretty big boobs”

Wild water kingdom has a music festival? Nice.

Woman attracts man by narrowly avoiding death after One Direction concert

This one barely fits the theme, but makes up for it by being awesome in a couple key ways. First: this man is 30 and attends One Direction concerts alone. Two: he was smitten enough by this woman to note exactly the time, but not enough to actually speak words to her.

Man impresses woman with really poor joke

Does this mean she is willing to mate or date, but not both? If so, a profoundly difficult decision faces this man. 

Gentleman trades rainbow discovery for water

Finding rainbows in the sky isn’t…hard, is it?

Woman will dance in all weather conditions

This one might be the least likely to pan out, if only because this gentleman is tall, sexy, and goes to music festivals with lines of women. Technically speaking, that’s at least 5 women.

Partially drunk woman seeks exceptionally tall man

If Craigslist’s “missed connections” teaches us one thing, it’s that you should never be sober in public. Who knows when you might need that extra ounce of courage?

Man blames cowardice on heartbroken friend

Some flowery shirt? We know that’s the first shirt you wear after laundry day.

Tactical security officer seeks friend of full-bladdered drunk chick

So, what, you just overlooked a perfectly attractive woman simply because she was covered in hay and desperately needed to urinate?

Modest individual seeks suitable mate

Really snuck the whole “lean, muscular, shirtless” thing in there, eh?

At least two people know words to Jack White song

We sincerely believe that it would have been a awesome fun.