Music

10 of the best and worst fan theories about music

by Mark Teo

Let’s get one thing straight: We love fan theories. After all, there’s no better time killer at work than to wander over to Reddit to entertain some of the best theories about, say, Rick and Morty or Game of Thrones. Most theories straddle the line between comically dark (see: Scooby Doo happened in a country that has suffered an economic collapse) and hilarious (see: Spongebob is actually a tampon), and that’s a blend that we love. Accordingly, we’ve assembled 10 of the best, dumbest, and flat-out hilarious musical fan theories—here goes.

“Bullet With Butterfly Wings” is actually about Super Mario Bros.

Buzzfeed picked up on this story, and for good reason: It’s hilarious. As Redditor Iamnotbroke breaks down in a line-by-line analysis, Mario’s inability to save the princess, his jealousy of Luigi, and his futile collection of coins can all be explained in the lyrics of Billy Corgan. Not convinced? Play the vid above and decide for yourself.

Lorde’s “Team” is a reptilian anthem

This theory was so popular, there wasn’t only one post about it—there were two. Before we go any further, let’s get our stories straight—this post references the popular theory that a reptilian race secretly runs the planet, which is popularized on site with names like Before It’s News. (Note: These are my least favourite conspiracy theories, as they’re clearly rooted in traditionally deeply anti-Semitic concepts.) Anyhow: The Lorde theory postulates that “Team” hints that Lorde lives underground with scaly, pockmarked people (which could be teenagers, but…), and that the teen pop sensation’s actually a lizard lord(e).

Not convinced? Redditor Mak_i_am is. “This is genius,” the user commented. “I hope for your sake you used a throwaway account, as this obviously true translation of this ‘song’ will surely garner the attention of the Reptilian society.”

Lana Del Ray’s Ultraviolence is foreshadowing her suicide

This theory is especially timely, as Lana Del Rey recently made suicidal comments to the press, irking Frances Bean Cobain. Redditor omgimcobe argues that Ultraviolence is a story about the singer’s desire to enter the fabled 27 Club, and even details her romp around in the afterlife. It touches on her relationship with Christianity, joining an “alcoholic anonymous cult run by a man named Jim,” and, uh, “cleansing” herself. (Is “cleanse” the most aggressive word in the English language? I certainly think so.)

In the author’s words: “tl;dr Ultraviolence by Lana Del Rey is about Lana killing herself, cleansing herself in Purgatory, then facing damnation and going to hell.”

Smash Mouth’s “All Star” is a thoughtful critique of celebrity culture, government, and the media

OK, Redditor kindaconfusediguess got it all wrong. This song’s purpose wasn’t to critique American culture. It was built to shut down Facebook creeps.

Andre 3000’s “The Love Below” is about a tormented man struggling between sex and love

This isn’t as much of a stretch as you’d think. Dorksaywhat notes that it’s Andre 3000’s struggle between the sensitive and “ice cold” parts of his persona. “The dual meanings of the title (the loving meaning vs the sexual meaning) seem to fight it out throughout the whole album,” they write. “It’s like he was at a point in his life wherein there was a part of him that wanted to settle down, but another part of him that didn’t want to get hurt again (after his relationship with Eryka Badu failed).” Reasonable enough.

Green Jelly’s “Three Little Pigs” predicted 9/11

This theory all begins when Green Jelly—telling the classic fable to a metal backdrop—call nine eleven (not nine-one-one) when they’re in distress. After two piggy houses are knocked down, the band sings that “they sent out Rambo just as fast as they could.” We. Are. Sold.

Blink 182’s “What’s My Age Again” is actually about Alzheimer’s

You know what? It’s not a half-bad guess.

Panda Bear wrote a sequel to Pet Sounds

MrAceyAce gets technical with this one: He notes that the Beach Boys’ Pet Sounds ends with a train sound, while Panda Bear’s Person Pitch begins with one. Both rely heavily on sampled animal sounds. And… well, that’s where the similarities end.

Chicago and Green Day wrote the exact same song

Alright, the song above is pretty similar to “Brain Stew.”

 

Kanye’s “Bound 2” is actually a Jackson Pollock painting 

This one’s a little abstract: lexxiverse suggests that both Pollock and “Bound 2” suffer from the same criticisms. Namely, that anyone could’ve created them—Pollock’s defined by paint splatters, while Kanye’s vid was shot entirely on green-screen. Dude, is this legit criticism?