Music

The Calgary Opera's 'Rob Ford Aria' is making us opera fans

by Mark Teo

Photo: USAToday.com

Rob Ford’s last several weeks (or last several years, depending on who you ask) has been called many things: A fiasco. A media shitstorm. A criminal drama with twists that get more surreal by the hour.

All are true. And it was only a matter of time before Ford’s too-bad-to-be-true story—which involves alleged murder, less-than-alleged crack smoking, drunk driving, drunken stupors, pussy eating, and so much more—was told in an artistic format. Maybe the PopCap folks behind Igor Kenk’s graphic novel would make it into a comic. Maybe R. Kelly would write a hip-hopera about it (and one more shockingly criminal than Trapped in the Closet). Maybe someone would write an opera about it. Ha. Ha. Ha?

Well, that last thing? It actually happened. CBC Radio’s Day 6 teamed up with the Calgary Opera to record “Rob Ford Aria,” and it’s salient, up-to-date, and undeniably opera—plot twists and all. And it’s incredible.

Check out “Rob Ford Aria” below:

See what we mean? Undeniably excellent.

Of course, this isn’t the first brush Ford has had with opera. Rob Ford: The Opera debuted in his hometown of Toronto in January of 2012, and according to The Star, it was a “a tragicomic tale about a man who is by turns bumbling, petulant, obtuse, delusional, lonely and ultimately doomed by those he has wronged.”

“Rob Ford Aria,” however, updates the story of a man who’s surprisingly become more bumbling, obtuse, delusional, and doomed. What really hurts for Torontonians is that it was recorded by a Calgary opera organization—Cowtown’s mockery of Toronto, here, feels particularly deserved. Yes, our mayor’s terrible. Yes, Nenshi is doing an incredible job in Calgary. Yes, we jelly.

Either way, the song is incredible—and we commend Calgary Opera for beating their Toronto counterparts to the punch. (Tafelmusik, where you at?) Check the lyrics to “Rob Ford Aria” below. Daps to CBC Music for the tip.

Yes it’s me, I’m still the Ford you knew, still just the same old chap who’d not smoke crack with you.

Hail from Etobicoke, not in that video. 
I still yearn to coach the kids at Don Bosco. 

Pillar of that quiet society, the vast majority who’d see on bended knee, 
Those lazy, soft elites, who rule on Bay Street, they who all believe the media conspiracy! 

Wait! You’ve heard Chief Bill Blair, it’s absurd, it’s just that paper’s way to make a fool of me. 
They detest the stand I take for you.
I’m the man you chose to see things through. 
Ah no, they can’t, they won’t remove me from here.

I’m mayor Rob Ford, your champion,
Never smoked crack, (ahem) wait, I’ve smoked crack. I’m just in a drunken stupor. 
Sorry my bad, I’ve done wrong. Just vote me in again, this too shall pass, I love my job, God bless.

All hail our fearless leader. Ford Nation lives, (somehow) it lives! 
He protects us taxpayers. 
Now it’s time to move on. 
We’ll vote him in again, we pray he reigns another thousand years.

There’s something wrong. 
There’s nothing wrong. 
I won’t resign.