Music

The Absolute Worst Music Inspired By 9/11

by Dave Hodgson

September 11th was an event that fundamentally altered the world we live in. Pre-9/11, the idea of airport security taking an X-ray picture of your naked body seemed like something from dystopian fiction; now it’s a sad reality. See, I always send the airline a naked picture of myself a few weeks in advance. You know, beat the line.

The attacks inspired fear, hatred, and in terms of popular music, some truly, truly awful songs. Here are the most rotten of the bunch. We’re extremely sorry if you never forget.

Toby Keith – “Courtesy Of The Red, White And Blue (The Angry American)”

There’s that hatred I mentioned! Burly everyman Toby Keith responded to the tragedy by recording this three minute and twenty second ballgrab, which boasts, “Soon as we could see clearly through our big black eye / Man, we lit up your world like the 4th of July.” Not that anyone should expect nuance or anything other than gorilla-like chest-thumping from Keith, but with all the shots of American flags, military choppers and the Statue of Liberty, this video makes an excellent substitute for ipecac.

Darryl Worley – “Have You Forgotten?”

No! No one has forgotten. Country star Darryl Worley creates a hell of a strawman to fly his twangy planes into, croaking “And you say we shouldn’t worry ’bout Bin Laden.” Maybe my memory’s a bit fuzzy at my ripe old age, but I don’t remember anyone saying that. Then he busts out this gem: “They took all the footage off my TV / Said it’s too disturbing for you and me / It’ll just breed anger that’s what the experts say / If it was up to me I’d show it everyday.” Sounds like a popular block of programming! Luckily, this transparent attempt at pandering was by-and-large ignored. Wait, what am I saying? This is country music. It was #1 for five weeks.

Gorillaz & D-12 – “911”

I… what? This really happened? Apparently, in the aftermath of the attack, D-12 was grounded in London and used the opportunity to collaborate with Damon Albarn of Blur’s Gorillaz. Unfortunately the result is a series of lazily phoned-in verses voiced entirely by D-12 that had little or nothing to do with 9/11, aside from the occasional reference to terrorists and bombs. I’m not sure what a healing nation needed was Bizarre bragging about raping an old woman.

“Osama (Yo’ Momma)” by Ray Stevens

Jesus Christ, Ray Stevens. Known for an exceedingly dumb novelty single from the seventies called “The Streak,” Stevens doesn’t exactly raise his standing with this undeniably offensive “comedy” single. Set to a backing track of the most racist Arabian belly-dancing-esque tune I’ve ever heard, Stevens plays dual roles as a tough-talking American general (“When you were young, she must have wrapped yo’ turban too tight”) and Osama bin Laden’s mother, who does little else but perform a stereotypical Egyptian dance. Other than being as funny as, well, 9/11, the song’s other crime is pretty much downplaying the significance and horror of the attacks with an inordinate amount of folksiness. “Osama, yo’ momma didn’t teach you how to act.” Yes, 9/11 was more a breach of societal etiquette than anything.

Aaron Carter – “America A O”

In the aftermath of September 11th, some Americans turned to Commander-in-Chief George W. Bush as a pillar of strength. But for most, it was Aaron Carter. Helpfully clarifying that he is, indeed, “livin’ in America,” Carter blows his frosted locks out of his eyes long enough to tell those still mourning their loved ones to “fix the frown (…) We’re gonna pull through, come on everybody.” And fear not, “No matter what they say, I’ll be livin’ here anyway.” Wasn’t it so weird when bin Laden released five straight videos demanding Aaron Carter be exiled to Argentina?