Mitt Romney’s kinda circling the drain, huh? Video just leaked of him declaring half of the American people to be lazy bottom-feeders, and the music world is not doing him any favors either. Kanye West just released a track in which he declares “I’m just trying to protect my stacks / Mitt Romney don’t pay no tax.” And then there was that Nicki Minaj song where she said she was voting for Romney, and then later clarified that she was being sarcastic and only of her insane musical alter-egos could fathom doing such a thing. It’s tough to be a two hundred millionaire.

All of this begs the question: does anyone in pop music support Mitt Romney? I’ve scoured the Internet. I’ve made cold calls. I’ve even made a few hot calls. So let’s find out. These are the top names in pop who stand behind Mister Mittster.

Kid Rock

Well, we’re not off to a great start. Kid Rock looks more like a guy who’s banned from every strip club in town than someone you want the endorsement of. But when Romney needed to win the primary in Michigan to solidify his nomination, he not only recruited Rock to play at one of his rallies, but made his Born Free” his entrance music. Bad choice! If he picked “Bawitdaba,” I might have applied for US citizenship just to vote for him. “I will bring the bangdabangdiggy back to Washington!” Okay, who else we got?

Gene Simmons

We’re clearly already scraping the bottom of the barrel, as I feel absolutely gross just typing Gene Simmons’ name. KISS may not have truly been pop music, but we’re counting it, because really, the list of names goes down even further here. In April, when asked about who he will vote for, because everybody’s gotta know, Simmons stumped for Romney, but Tweeted a mere three days later, “I HAVE NOT ENDORSED MITT ROMNEY FOR PRES.” That may have actually been the high point of the Romney campaign.

Neal E. Boyd

Neal E. Boyd is the “pop opera” singer who won America’s Got Talent in 2008, and who also performed at the Republican National Convention, just in case there was one person who didn’t hear fancy-pants opera in their head whenever Romney is on their TV screen. As a Republican, he probably would have supported any GOP candidate, so this year he’s “thrown his weight” behind Romney. Because he struggles with obesity, you see!

Donny Osmond

Oh, wow. Yep. As a fellow Mormon, Osmond donated to Romney’s campaign and has talked at length about how happy he is there’s a Mormon candidate. How much of that $200,000,000 do you think Mitt Romney would pay for Donny Osmond to endorse Obama?

Pat Boone

Christ almighty! I think we’re done here.