The 14 Best Quotations From The New Gathering Of The Juggalos Infomercial
by Aaron Zorgel
July 16, 2012
Last Friday, a 23-minute infomercial for the 2012 Gathering Of The Juggalos brought its wicked wisdom to YouTube. We combed through the entire thing, and wrote down the quotations that struck us as worth documenting. In case you’re not up for a 23-minute thrill-ride where Sugar Slam says “biatch” 18 times, here are the highlights. Crack open a Faygo and enjoy. Whoop Whoop!
Last Friday, a 23-minute infomercial for the 2012 Gathering Of The Juggalos brought its wicked wisdom to YouTube. With a filthy panache unique to Psychopathic Records personalities, hosts Sugar Slam, Corporal Robinson, and Dirty Dan Diamond gave us a rundown of what to expect from this year’s dark carnival of souls.
With help from Pop Hunter contributor Dave Hodgson, I combed through the GOTJ infomercial and wrote down the quotations that struck us as worth documenting. In case you’re not up for a 23-minute thrill-ride where Sugar Slam says “biatch” 18 times, here are the highlights. Crack open a Faygo and enjoy. Whoop Whoop!
“Freedom still exists here with us. Originality still exists here with us. We call our safe haven of free-thinking ‘The Gathering Of The Juggalos.'” (01:40)
“Zombies don’t get into this party. That’s just how the fuck it is.” (02:17)
“There ain’t nothin’ but endless love up in here.” (02:37)
“This very freshness awaits you. Don’t just stay home and live another five meaningless days you’ll soon forget. Have an adventure so fuckin’ awesome that the memory will live on with you forever.” (03:10)
“Haystak and Jellyroll — together!” (9:12)
“And one of my fuckin’ favourite bands, P.O.D.!” (11:08)
“You wanna get hype right now? I got you, bitch! This year one of our main goals was to improve the comedy stage. So the first thing we did was fire the old host, Upchuck The Fucking Clown.” (13:46)
“This year, we welcome to the comedy stage, the original Cheech and Chong! Smoke one to that, mothafacko!” (14:30)
“Plus many many more funny fuckers for your heckling pleasures. I fuckin’ hate hecklers though, so fuck y’all.” (15:20)
“Every year this party becomes more outrageous, as the thousands of free cheeseburgers, hotdogs, and ice cold Faygo rain from the stage.” (15:37)
“We’re talking about fourteen hotties, plus a few heffers. All of them, doing battle in their panties! Nice. Nice. That’s nice.” (16:27)
“And the grueling grudge match that everyone is talking about all around the globe: ‘Mr. Old School’ Steve Corino vs. The Weedman!” (18:50)
“We know what you’re going through out there. You’re surrounded by fuckin’ do-bots. Sheep who all breed, live, and love whatever’s popular. There’s nothin’ but brain-washed corporate spoon-fed garbage eaters all around you. Well, now there’s a place you can escape to. If any of those bastards follow you in, we’ll take care of ’em at the front gate for you. [GUN BLAST]” (21:09)
“Moonwalk bouncies, bitch!” (22:40)
The Gathering Of The Juggalos takes place from August 8th-12th in a town called Cave-In-Rock, Illinois.
Check out the full lineup below:
Psychopathic Records:
Insane Clown Posse
Twiztid
Anybody Killa
Blaze Ya Dead Homie
Dark Lotus
Psychopathic Rydas
Cold 187 The Psychopathic Assassin
Main Stage:
Three 6 Mafia
Geto Boys
George Clinton and Parliament-Funkadelic
Tech N9ne
Mushroomhead
Rehab
Soulfly
Danny Brown
Slaine
Swollen Members
Hed Pe
Kottonmouth Kings
P.O.D.
Static-X
Fear Factory
Kool Keith
The Game
Onyx
Master P
Mack 10
DMX
Prozak
Late Night Parties:
Wednesday Night: Twiztid’s Dirty South Party:
Rittz
Lil Wyte
Jellyroll
Haystak
Thursday Night: Violent J’s West Coast Block Party
Lil Eazy
The Pharcyde
Warren G
Glasses Malone
Friday Night: Shaggy 2 Dope’s East Coast Block Party
The Fat Boys
Raekwon
Rahzel
Biz Markie
Late Night:
Awesome Dre
Bizarre
King Gordy
Wolfpac
Doe Dubbla
AJAX
Mars
Claas
F. Dux
Smokehouse Junkiez
Twisted Insane
Mastamind
Liquid Assassin
Axe Murder Boyz
Bukshot
Kesto
So Sick Social Club
Critical Bill
Downtown Brown
Sleep Tastes Pretty
Menace II Sobriety
Underground Stage Daytime:
Insane Poetry
Scum
Madness Has Boy
Dagda
Chief
Odd Fellaz
Gritty
Kayla K
Nukie The Carpathio
J Dirty
Aj Jordan
So High Clique
Stranger Haze
Fury
Mass Murderaz
Daniel Dahmer
Azylum Inmates
Sedated
Musick 2 Murder
Dark Half
Wicked Wayz
Dirty Adville
Bobby Sick
10/31
Troll & Slow Pain
Os7
Dopesic
Chop Shop
Str8Jaket
Jimi Kanklez
Flagrant
Ikkurruz
Sixx Digit
Unstable
O Villianz
Freddy Grimes
Molly Gruesome
Kayla K
Sketch
Bobby Sick
Political Assassin
D. Evil/Uncle Phoenix
Tags: Music, bobcat goldthwait, Cheech and Chong, danny brown, Fear Factory, Gathering of the Juggalos, Glasses Malone, Jamie Kennedy, Kool Keith, kottonmouth kings, Master P, tech n9ne, The Game, Warren G
