Music

POP UNCULTURED: A roundup of weird happenings in music for the week ending November 4

by Anne T. Donahue

Since it’s impossible to address the total madness of the music industry in only five days, Pop Uncultured saves some of the week’s strangest stories for Friday afternoon. Enjoy?

Justin Bieber may have fathered a fan’s baby [FULL STORY]

But that’s not important. What is important is that in situations like these, we as television viewers remain the true beneficiaries.

Get psyched: JoJo’s planning a comeback

After taking her own advice to leave (get out) of the music industry, Billboard reports that JoJo is plotting her comeback, having just released the single “Disaster”, which we can assume is in response to her previous single, “In the Dark”. Whether or not this is all too little too late remains to be seen, but what we can all agree on is that jokes from 2006 essentially still write themselves.

Rupert Grint has channeled his inner “Stan” for Ed Sheeran

The good news is that this song is absolutely nothing like the guy that plays Draco Malfoy’s. The bad news is that this is likely just actual footage of Rupert Grint in response to Emma Watson’s ever-burgeoning film career. [via Dose]

If you are the 1%, you can buy Kanye West‘s Air Yeezy II sneakers [FULL STORY]

And in this week’s “we’ll never afford these because we’re regular people” news, Kanye has offered a glimpse of his brand new sneaker design, a glow-in-the-dark high-top shoe that screams everything but budget.

To which everyone else in the world responded:

Madonna is launching her second “lifestyle” line

Congratulations if you’re between the ages of 27 and 50, because Madonna is aiming her latest designing endeavour at you. Branded “Truth Or Dare”, the line is reportedly the grown-up version of the recent “Material Girl” collection, while the name arguably stems from the game that demands, “Can I turn away from the wall now, Madonna?” and “No, but I dare you to look at me”. [via Vogue UK]

U2 has blamed their Glastonbury set on wearing the “wrong shoes”

After a disappointing headlining set this summer, Bono has come forward and admitted that his performance was lacking because he was “stuck in one spot” thanks to the “ice rink”-like stage and his inappropriate footwear. Because we all know that without their impeccable choreography, U2 are nothing. [via NME]

Nickelback has been named the number one “musical turnoff” [FULL STORY]

But how?!

Mel C wants a “Spice Kids” wedding

Just when we thought betrothal was over, Mel C has announced that she intends for her daughter to marry bandmate Emma Bunton’s son since the women “want their kids to be an important part of each other’s lives”. Oppression, thy name is “Mama”. [via Music-News]

Fatboy Slim admits he worried he “wouldn’t be able to DJ sober”

While the rest of us worried that we wouldn’t be able to do this sober:

[via NME]

Janet Jackson and CBS won’t be sued for the infamous Superbowl 2004 “wardrobe malfunction” [FULL STORY]

…And just in time for this year’s rumoured Superbowl performers, Nickelback. You’re welcome, everyone imagining the worst right now.