Music

Top 10 Heroes & Villains of American Idol Season 10

by Aaron Zorgel

May 26, 2011

Last night, American Idol Season 10 came to a dramatic finish, with North Carolina Good Ol’ Boy Scotty McCreery taking top honours.

Let’s not waste any time tippy-toeing around it — American Idol is like a bizzarre circus sideshow of misplaced patriotism and pop music. Now, I’m not going to argue the musical validity of the contest. But I did sit through an entire season of it just so I could bring you the highlights and lowlights of the world’s most outlandish and excessive singing competition. Without further adieu, I give you the Top 10 Heroes & Villains of American Idol Season 10.

Villain #1: Excessive Commercialization

Granted, this is nothing new in Season 10. Paula did always used to suck back god-knows-what out of those red Coca-Cola cups. But in Season 10, the shameless schilling hit new heights as the finalists frolicked in weekly insufferable Ford Music VIdeos (read: commercials). Contestants were also featured on the red carpet for the premiere of Little Red Riding Hood, giving it rave reviews. Oh weird, it’s Amanda Seyfried in the audience. Coincidence! And if there was ever a human head in a recording studio (there were TONS, duh), it was shackled with Beats by Dre headphones. Did I mention that if you loved the performances from the show, you can buy them individually from iTunes afterwards? It’s evil-genius level marketing, and where’s there’s a chance to make a buck, American Idol producers pounced on the opportunity like pigeons on breadcrumbs. Also, check out how much the American Idol logo looks like the Ford logo.

Hero #1: Steven Tyler’s Audition Madness

No one could be prepared for how insane Steven Tyler was as a judge this season.

Villain #2: Randy Jackson’s Catchphrase: “_____ is in it to win it!”

It’s like Robo-Randyman was totally glitching out for the last 5 episodes of the season, because any time someone did well, he would scream “YO! _____ is in it to win it! YES! YES! YES!”

I couldn’t find a good Youtube compilation, but I did find this. Proof-ish:

Hero #2: Iggy Pop Freaks Out American

Iggy Pop was a musical guest on Idol this season. He and his band played “Wild One” and America worried about its sons (and daughters).

Villain #3: Zakk Wylde Loses Status As Awesome Metal Ambassador

Okay, so there’s this contestant who kept claiming that a vote for him was a vote for metal, and pleading with America to “give metal a chance.” To be fair, he did sing a Judas Priest song (and later performed with JP in the finale) but as you can imagine, anything performed on Idol was a watered down version of what it should be. SO NOT METAL. Zakk Wylde came out during one of his performances and ripped a solo, but I couldn’t help but feel like Zakk lost a little of that metal cred in doing so.

At the end of the song a piano burst into flames. Ok, that was kind of metal, but WHAT A WASTE OF A PIANO.

Hero #3: Ryan Seacrest

I’m not gonna front. Ryan Seacrest is one of the most professional television hosts currently working. He’s casual, he’s funny, and on Season 10 he traded in the faux-hawk for a new hairstyle, the “Seacrest Side-Part.” Lookin’ good, pal.

Villain #4: Jimmy Iovine

Jimmy Iovine, music producer and chairman of Interscope-Geffen-A&M, signed on to take a hands-on role as an advisor and coach to the contestants in American Idol Season 10. He produced Rattle & Hum, hooked Eminem up with Dr. Dre, and signed Lady Gaga to her first record deal, but this old leathery shoe of a man gave some pretty questionable advice to the contestants. He told third place finalist Haley Reinhart to sing an unreleased Gaga song, and it totally tanked. She was very nearly voted off that week. He’s also a co-owner of Beats by Dre. Suspicious ulterior motives and his general salty disposition lead me to condemn Jimmy Iovine as an old know-it-all money grubbing hack. His connections did give way to some cool guest appearances, but I feel Idol might have been better without this troll hanging out on set all day.

Hero #4: The Upright Bass Playing Of Casey Abrams

I remember everyone was kind of excited about the high level of talent present in the Season 10 finalists, and it was mostly because of this guy. Super jazzy gravelly vocals, upright bass skills, and half cute/half schlubby appearance made this dude a fan favourite early on.

Villain #5: Marc Anthony

Ok, we get it. You’re J-Lo’s husband. You’re married to the most beautiful woman in the world. That doesn’t mean we need to see you on every single episode, you creepy skeletor man. Seriously, how did he land a total babe like J-Lo? Remember that meme that was floating around a while ago, Steve Buscemeyes? Where they replace the eyes on lady celebs with Steve Buscemi’s crazy looking eyes? Let’s try it with Skeletor’s peepers. I present to you, Marc Anthoneyes:

In case anyone is wondering, yes, I am a certified Photoshop wizard.

Hero #5: Jacob Lusk Scream Crying During Hollywood Round

The gentle giant Jacob Lusk set himself apart from the pack with his bizarrely Antony-like gospel warble. It would turn out that his insane sounding voice would also make for a pretty insane sounding cry.

There you have it! Five highs and five lows from a pretty bizarre Season 10. But what would an American Idol season in review be without auditions highlights? Everyone knows that’s the best part, anyway. So, I’ll leave you with the Top 5 American Idol Season 10 Auditions:

#5: The Giant Transformer

#4: The Giant Armadillo

#3: Cooper Robinson