Music

Top 10 Musical Trainwrecks

by Barry Taylor

While most music fans spent yesterday discussing the Grammy nominations, many of us failed to realize biggest news of the day: Britney Spears celebrated her 29th birthday.

This woman has had an amazing twenty nine years on this planet. Rolling Stone called her one of the most successful and controversial pop stars of the 21st century. This past June she was ranked sixth on Forbes list of the 100 Most Powerful and Influential celebrities in the world. And UrbanDictionary.com has her listed as the definition for the term ‘Trainwreck’.

Though it’s also known as a type of marijuana, ‘trainwreck’ is a term usually reserved for complete disasters. The kind of failures that you feel guilty for looking at but simply can’t turn away from.

Over the years there’s been no shortage of trainwrecks in the music industry. Here’s a look at the most recent Top 10.

#10 Pete Doherty

For a while it seemed like Pete Doherty was finding trouble with the law on a weekly basis. Each incident would include either drugs, arrests, supermodels or some combination of the three. It was entertaining as hell.

It looks as though Doherty is back on track now though. The singer-songwriter is working on a new Babyshambles album and there’s also been reports of some more Libertines shows in the future.

#9 Scott Stapp

This footage never gets old. Ever. There’s something satisfying about seeing a Christian celebrity crash and burn. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with Christians, it’s just funny to see someone who was once trying to tell you how to live a better life barely manage to keep any dignity within their own.

# 8 Craig Nicholls

When Rolling Stone declared the return of rock and roll in 2002 they chose the Vines for the cover. It seemed to make sense at the time because Highly Evolved was a great debut album.

Then Winning Days came out and it was ok. Then Craig Nicholls had a small meltdown at a promotional show and was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. The Australian rocker underwent treatment and as a result gave up fast food and marijuana. Solid.

#7 Amy Winehouse

Her second Top 10 appearance of the week. Winehouse has made a career out of her trainwreckness. Her biggest hit was called Rehab for Pete’s sake! Everyone has a drunk friend like Amy Winehouse; she’s all sweet and pretty when the night starts out but by last call she can’t put a sentence together and her dress is tucked into her underwear.

What’s Amy Winehouse up to now? Hanging out with monkeys. Amazing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSH6LKHPLyk

#6 David Hasselhoff

To the western world he’ll always be Mitch Buchannon but in Germany he’s a rock star. Despite being part of some of the most successful shows in the history of television, many will argue that his best work came along side a cheeseburger.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0H9AN5gitco&feature=related

#5 Nick Oliveri

This guys musical resume is amazing. He’s been a part of bands like Kyuss, Queens of the Stone Age and Eagles of Death Metal and he’s collaborated with Slash and shared the stage with Turbonegro.

After being fired from Queens, Oliveri’s statement suggested he might lose it but apparently things are coming together. The Kyuss Lives Tour – minus Homme – is scheduled for 2011.

#4 Taylor Momsen

She’s only 17 years old but this girl is well on her way to a VH1 Special. Momsen achieved fame as Cindy Lou Who in the film the Grinch Who Stole Christmas and as Jenny Humphrey on the television series Gossip Girl.

She was recently kicked off the aforementioned show and is pursuing a music career full time. Her backing band is made up of a bunch of men in their mid-thirties and she dresses like a small town stripper.

When asked where her behavior problems came from the teen rocker explained, “Everyone’s like, ‘Wow, why is she upset and why is she so miserable about things?’ My parents signed me up with Ford [modeling agency] at the age of 2. No 2-year-old wants to be working, but I had no choice.” Touché.

#3 Axl Rose

Someone needs to pull Axl aside and choke him. Just like Andre the Giant did to Bob Uecker. It’s tough to pinpoint exactly when things fell apart for Rose but the safe bet is with the corn rows. “Guns N’ Roses” are currently touring Australia.

#2 Flavor Flav

This is the feel-good train wreck on the list. Flavor Flav is thriving as a giant mess in Hollywood. He’s a former crack-addict who’s sold millions of albums and became a reality TV superstar all while flashing his gold toothed smile. The American Dream.

#1 Courtney Love

It’s not about beating a dead horse because this horse just won’t die.

Last week it was reported that Courtney Love is being sued by a celebrity firm for not returning nearly $114,000 worth of borrowed jewelry. According to Love she lost the valuables.

This week, she appeared on an episode of Russell Simmon’s reality show and asked for her own series called ‘Rock Chicks’. The pitch meeting included n-bombs and homemade arts and crafts.

If that’s not enough, her twitter feed occasionally features raunchy self-portraits. Courtney Love: the musical equivalent of the Gare Montparnasse incident of 1895.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5R3NaUVFTlA