Top 10 Atypical Holiday Jams

by John Semley

December 25, 2010

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So Christmas parties are pretty good, right? Good pals, some oranges on the table, plenty of booze. But nothing kills a holiday get together like hearing Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime” for the nineteenth time or suffering through twelve minutes of Springsteen and E-Street Band’s rock radio redux of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.”

Good Christmas songs, on the other hand, and ones that everyone hasn’t heard a million times, are bound to kick your party up a notch. Here are ten that will keep the energy level at your party, and make sure the nog keeps flowing until the wee hours:

10. Mojo Nixon – “Christmas Christmas”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oh-lebKVgY

The only thing more rote and repetitive than the sing-a-long chorus to “Frosty the Snowman” is the verse-chorus riff Richard Berry’s “Louie Louie.” Knowing this, psychobilly oddball Mojo Nixon cut a version of “Louie Louie” in honour of the gift-givingest holiday. With lyrics like “Christmas! Christmas! I gotta go! To shopping malls!” it may seem like a bit of a novelty track, but the chord changes are so familiar that you can slip this onto your holiday party playlist without anyone noticing that it’s kind of stupid.

9. The Celibate Rifles – “Merry X-Mas Blues”

Here’s some more raucous punk from Sydney’s Celibate Rifles. Frontman Damien Lovelock does his most cartoonish Johnny Rotten, sneering about driving home drunk from office parties. Given all the sarcasm, you gotta wonder if they’re really wishing you a Merry Christmas.

8. The Wailers – “Christmas Spirit”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGTQGtZxuJ0

“It’s in the air, can’t you hear it?/ It’s in the air, that Christmas Spirit,” goes the chorus to this holiday non-classic by Tacoma garage rock pioneers The Wailers. Like a lot of the songs on this list, “Christmas Spirit” has a bit of a chip on its shoulder about the holiday, betrayed by a begrudging love of it. Which, admit it, is probably how you feel about Christmas.

7. The Sonics – “Don’t Believe in Christmas”

Pearl Jam covered this Sonics Christmas tune (originally released as a split with The Wailers’ “Christmas Spirit”) and if you really want to ruin your Christmas party, you can listen to Eddie Vedder try to mint his own Springsteen-esque (Springsteenian?) X-mas tune. But don’t do that. Play The Sonics version. It will make you believe! (In Christmas.)

6. The Wedding Present – “No Christmas”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXHqU7uI1fk

This cut from The Wedding Present’s Hit Parade 2 compilation (which, incidentally, includes a cover of Elton John’s “Step Into Christmas”) may be a little slower-building than a lot of tracks on this list. But goddamn is it worth it. Anyone suckered in by David Gedge’s throaty warbling is bound to be charmed as shit be his earnest bleating rhyming couplets like “Alone without you, alone without you, alone without you” and “I care about you, I care about you, I care about you.” Sure, it doesn’t have anything to do with Christmas, per se, but if anyone questions you just say, “Hey the song’s called ‘No Christmas’ okay? Now make out with me under this mistletoe in the most twee holiday vignette imaginable.”

5. Bantam Roosters – “Let’s Just Fuck For Christmas”

You’ll definitely want to keep yourself squarely positioned under the mistletoe for this foul anthem by Lansing’s Bantam Roosters (pun way, way intended). Why bother with Christmas lists and the headaches of thoughtful giving when you can just give some hearth-warming intercourse for Christmas?

4. The Trashmen – “Dancing With Santa”

Preceded by a cutesy “Twas the night before Christmas” style intro, The Trashmen turn out a pretty convincing Malt Shoppe Memories-styled Christmas song with “Dancing With Santa.” As the title suggests, the song is literally about a party at a house on (where else?) Blueberry Hill where Santa and his reindeer are dancing, with a “Ho ho ho! And his big round belly, shaking all over like a bowl full of jelly.”

3. Big Star – “Jesus Christ”

It’s usually Santa who gets all the Christmastime lip-service (especially from your mommy, renowned the world over for sucking face with Old Saint Nick), and with good reason. He is the man with the presents after all. But is there any present greater than mortal salvation and a life born again in the kingdom of heaven? The Catholic Church says, no. So if you’re looking to score some points with our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ the Nazarene this holiday season, crank this jangly jam from the late Alex Chilton. Not only is it a suitable hymn honour the birth of the Baby Jesus, but it also rocks pretty hard, especially when the guitar solo comes in after Chilton mumbles “We’re gonna get born now!”

2. The Gruesomes – “Santa Claus”

Can Con alert! These mid-80s Montreal garage punk kids cut a cover of The Sonics ode to Santa for their 1987 Unchained EP. The Gruesomes’ version is dirty and grimier and slimier and, well, just better.

1. Reigning Sound – “If Christmas Can’t Bring You Home”

First of all, if you have a heart that beats, you can listen to this song any day of the year. But Greg Cartwright’s croon about wanting his baby home for Christmas is especially poignant around the holidays (and doubly so if your own personal baby isn’t making it home). Not exactly the best party song, but it’s the perfect thing to put on as your guests grab their coats and toques and shuffle off in the night, while you grab that last cup of eggnog and shed a single tear while wistfully starring out the frosted windows of your second-floor apartment.

Tags: Music, News, Big Star, The Wailers

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