Top 10 Uses of the Word 'Hot' In Music

by Barry Taylor

August 5, 2010

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The second biggest story of this summer has got to be the heat. It’s been hotter than a microwaved fireball. Hotter than a boiling cup of tea garnished with heaters from cigarettes. When Paris Hilton was shown a recent four day forecast she was like, ‘That’s unseasonably warm.’

Have you seen Inception? That might be the summer story of 2010; not the film, just the fact that every, single conversation starts with that question. Best answer for the inquiry: Inception the porno? Na, that shit’s too hardcore for me. Then look at them weird and walk away.

The second biggest story of this summer has got to be the heat. It’s been hotter than a microwaved fireball. Hotter than a boiling cup of tea garnished with heaters from cigarettes. When Paris Hilton was shown a recent four day forecast she was like, ‘That’s unseasonably warm.’

Maybe global warming is real? Bah, probably not. Let’s celebrate the hotness!

Presenting the Top 10 Uses of the Word ‘Hot’ in Music

#10 Red Hot Chili Peppers

John Frusciante is one of the greatest song writers of the past twenty years. Just look at the albums Anthony Kiedis and company did with him: Blood Sugar Sex Magik, Californication, By The Way and Stadium Arcadium. To be fair, Stadium Arcadium licked balls, but not as badly as One Hot Minute. That album licked bigger balls. Giant, Paul Bunyan balls.

#9 Hot Chip

Fun Fact: This band used to be called Luke Warm Chip but their career has been going so well that they were forced to upgrade.

This September they’re release a four song EP featuring remixes of their songs by other electronic artists including Dundas, Ontario’s own, Caribou.

#8 Hot N’ Cold by Katy Perry

Hot: Katy Perry’s recent spread in Rolling Stone.
Cold: The reception she gets when she visits her bible thumping friends back home.

#7 Hot Burrito #2 by the Flying Burrito Brothers

Burrito’s are hot in general. Hot burritos take that heat to another level. But if those same burritos share a mother and can defy gravity get a bucket, because your face it about to melt.

#6 Hot Fuss

There’s some fun songs on this album but Brandon Flowers is still a phag. That’s fag with a ‘ph’ so it’s not homophobic. Homophobic people really ruined the word fag for North Americans. The Brits still use the term as slang for cigarettes. No wonder the rest of the world hates the West, they can’t even ask us for a smoke without being chastised.

#5 Hot Water Music

Hot Water Music are great. According to their website they’re “really trying to get some new tunes together as soon as possible.” Chuck Regan’s solo stuff is really good too. So is the Draft.

#4 Hot, Hot, Hot by Buster Poindexter

A classic wedding jam. When this song comes on, shit goes down. Uncle Al gets up and starts his creepy shuffle. Your brother’s drunken girlfriend starts limbo-ing under a bar that doesn’t exist and the 60 year old DJ your parents hired begins pointing at every underage girl on the floor and winking. It can’t get any worse. Unless…

#3 Hot Chocolate – You Sexy Thing

This is where things get worse. Following Poindexter with this jam at a wedding is a recipe for disaster. It’s at this point that Uncle Al takes his creep shuffle over to your brothers drunken slut-date. Her dress is now stuck in the ass of her nylons after her failed limbo competition. The DJ has busted out his flip-cam phone and is taking  questionable pics of the flower girls. A mystery woman is holding her head in her hands, crying at a back table. Shit got real.

#2 Music Is My Hot Hot Sex by CSS

Brazilians are hotter than the rest of us. They just are. It must be exhausting. Apparently that’s where the band got their name. CSS is short for Cansie de Ser Sexy which translated from Portuguese to English actually means “I’m tired of being sexy.” Touche.

#1 Hot Hot Heat

Hot Hot Heat just released their latest album Future Breeds this past June. Since then the weather has been exceptionally warm. Interesting. Maybe global warming is real. But maybe it’s not the massive amounts of carbon in the atmosphere. Instead it’s a multi-level marketing campaign conceived by the band and their management to push album sales.

Holy shit. This is like a bad dream. A bad dream that goes on for way too long and has a far too many gun fights. But it’s gotta be a dream. It can’t be reality. To think that the music industry controls weather patterns is ridiculous. So enjoy your rest and know that soon enough you’ll wake up refreshed and everything will be back to normal.

OMG!!!

Tags: Music, News, Barry Taylor, CSS, Hot Chip, Hot Fuss, Hot Hot Heat, Hot Water Music, Katy Perry

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