Music

Vanilla Ice is going to get himself (and others) killed during Hurricane Matthew

by Richard Howard

There are certain basic words of wisdom we should all learn from a young age. Look both ways before you cross the street. Don’t get a vehicle with a strange adult you don’t know. And never, ever take life advice from Vanilla Ice. Seems that Floridian parents have done a shit job of imparting these nuggets to their kids, because a whackload of young rocket scientists seem to be following the two-hit-wonder’s example and are ignoring evacuation orders issued due to Hurricane Matthew. You might be saying “Hey, don’t be a dick – these people are bravely staying in order to protect their homes and belongings.” I see why you would think that. Allow me to provide some photographic evidence to the contrary.

Yep. These twits are ignoring the authorities’ urgings (and in some cases mandatory orders) to evacuate the path of the storm that killed roughly 800 people in Haiti in order to party and up their social media game.

A Daily Mail report serves as a fascinating peek into the world of group idiocy, with interviewees and social media posters making statements like “It’s not the brightest idea in the world, but it’s fun,” “Hurricane Party tonight! Because who else is in the hot tub during a cat 4 hurricane,” and this guaranteed future Darwin award winner who screamed “Hurricane Matthew can suck my ass!” before downing what looks like three alcoholic coolers. At the same time.

While Matthew didn’t get as far inland as first thought and therefore, through sheer blind luck, these Fort Lauderdale partiers dodged a bullet, there was just as much foolhardy frolicking on the coast. There’s a ton of dumb shit I could show you, but I think this video says it all.

As sad as it is, the voices these kindly folk are most likely to listen to aren’t those of the Governor or, you know, meteorological experts but those of celebrities. So is there a famous hero that will try to talk some sense into these misguided individuals? Fraid not. Instead, we have Robert Matthew Van Winkle a.k.a Vanilla Ice live-tweeting his decision to ‘ride out’ the storm.

Nice – pretty solid example to set for your 280,000 followers. Oh, and sweet ‘Hurricane Matthew’ hashtag, bro. Sadly, with just a fraction of Vanilla Ice’s Twitter following, the Florida Democrats’ sage advice these geniuses’ parents forgot to give isn’t going to reach nearly enough of them.

So remember those experts we mentioned should probably be the ones whose advice Floridians actually take? This is Fox News anchor Sheppard “Shep” Smith, sharing the data provided by meteorologists on the storm’s trajectory and how things could go downhill even more should it shift slightly to the west. Clearly disgusted by the reports of individuals deciding to stick around for shits and giggles, he goes for the, shall we say, direct approach. Never thought I’d say these words but – I’m with you, Fox News.