Music

This singer plans to perform naked with a wolf biting him

by Jeremy Mersereau

This… is not going to end well. Clearly, somebody is taking the wrong lesson from Irma Bule.

Belarus’ contestant for the 61st annual Eurovision song contest, a singer named Ivan (real name: Alexander Ivanov), plans to inject some life – and some rabies vaccine – into this year’s competition by making his performance into a “great experience” – that is, singing naked while a real live wolf named Shakira (!) bites him.

The 21-year-old singer says he and his producer jointly came up a performance based around the idea of “nature and man together” – which apparently to quite literal-minded Belarusians, means singing a pop song in flagrante while courting a violent death from mauling. Well, never let it be said that Belarusians aren’t willing to suffer for their terrible, tacky art.

Sadly, those fuddy-duddy Eurovision officials are throwing cold water on Ivan’s plans, saying that nudity is not appropriate for a family show and that they would have to see a “second-by-second outline of the routine” in order to give Ivan the go-ahead. Yeah, the last thing you want is for the people at home seeing Ivan’s dong, but a Krusty and the timber wolf scenario? Eh, I’m sure it’ll be fine.

The 61st Eurovision contest takes place next month in Stockholm. Get a sadly wolf-free sneak peek of Ivan’s song, “Help You Fly”, here:

Hmmm. Ivan’s instincts are right: needs more nudity and wolf bites.