Music

Ringo Starr once sang a creepy ode to a 16-year-old girl

by Richard Howard

The ’60s and ’70s… they sure were different times. That holds especially true for music – and not just the fact that people actually paid for it.

There was an innocence in pop songwriting that just doesn’t translate into the modern world. The Knack’s “My Sharona”, Big Star’s “Thirteen”” and countless other odes to underage love would never fly today. At the time, the presumption seemed to be that the (usually late 20s or 30-something) year-old singer was narrating the thoughts of a teenaged protagonist in order to connect with their teenaged fans. And most of the time, that was probably the case.

But holy geez, how could you not be creeped out by a 38-year-old Ringo Starr singing “You’re 16, you’re beautiful and you’re mine”?

A song like this released in 2016 by a heavily bearded, ever jovial Ringo Starr type would have all the alarm bells ringing. Here are a few choice lines: “You’re all ribbons and curls, ooh, what a girl/Eyes that sparkle and shine/You’re 16, you’re beautiful and you’re mine.” “You’re my baby, you’re my pet/We fell in love on the night we met.” That insistent “all mine, all mine, all mine” outro would no doubt have any actual 16-year-olds backing away slowly with their mace at the ready.

Just to add to the weirdness, the song features Paul McCartney’s spontaneous vocals in a “kazoo-sound solo”, Harry Nilsson on backing vocals, and a 1978 video starring 22-year-old Carrie “Princess Leia” Fisher as Ringo’s implied underage love interest.

However, Ringo’s not the one we have to thank (or blame) for the song itself; it was written in 1960 by the Sherman Brothers songwriting team and recorded by rockabilly singer Johnny Burnette (all in their 30s at the time). Ringo’s cover, which hit number one on the charts, was likely inspired by the prominent appearance of Burnette’s song on the soundtrack of 1973’s American Graffiti.

Now, are we more likely to be creeped out by these tunes today because of the dark, nefarious world that’s robbed us of living life with rose-coloured glasses? Was Ringo just enjoying the opportunity to sing one of his beloved teen-pop classics? Almost certainly. But regardless of the reasons, today, the knee-jerk reaction remains “whu-hu-huuuuuut?”