Music

U.S. presidential candidate Ted Cruz accused of liking Nickelback

by Jeremy Mersereau

History is plagued with high-profile scandals derailing the best laid plans of Canadian politicians. Who among us could forget the Munsinger Affair, the sponsorship scandal, Julie Couillard, or… uh… that one thing that had something to do with tuna?

Well, forget all those, there’s a new kid on the block: Texas Senator and Calgary-born U.S. presidential hopeful Ted Cruz has been accused of being a Nickelback fan. Whatta scoop! *runs with little notepad and ‘PRESS’ hat into phone box so quickly it tips over*

At a campaign stop in Iowa last week, a man was photographed holding up a “Ted Cruz Likes Nickelback” sign, igniting speculation that Cruz may indeed enjoy listening to maudlin jams like “Photograph” and “How You Remind Me” during his own free time, an accusation which, if true, is many times more shocking and horrifying than say, Benghazi.

Ted hasn’t officially responded to the heinous allegation, possibly because he doesn’t want to draw any attention to himself and any Canadian connections: Though Cruz renounced his Canadian citizenship in 2014, lately he’s been weathering accusations from quite literally fuzzy-headed “birthers” that he isn’t eligible to run for the Presidency.

Candidates everywhere are having to prove themselves as being staunchly anti-Kroeger, with everyone from Donald Trump to Bernie Sanders standing accused of supporting Nickelback’s atrocities.

If any of these allegations are proven to be true the candidates will have no choice but to bow out of the race, or at least admit they have the “wrong” taste in music, either of which oughta feed the Internet for a few days or so, which is all that matters.