Music
eBay wizard transforms keyboard into vibrating sex toy
by Jeremy Mersereau
December 10, 2015
I'm pickin' up good vibrations... from my modified synthesizer sex toy.
Even after all the years its been since its 1995 inception, there’s still pretty much nothing you can’t find in the harbour of empty PS4 boxes and Wu-Tang sweaters that is eBay.
The one thing that hasn’t been there, at least to our knowledge, is a keyboard circuit-bent to become an e-stimulation sex toy of infinite carnal possibilities. Well, consider that oversight rectified. “FINALLY!” – David Duchovny circa 2003.
An eBay user known only as ‘hypnoritual’ is looking to sell his custom-modified Realistic Concertmate 500 (RadioShack’s budget knockoff of the Casio SK-1, best known as the wallet-conscious keyboards of choice for these guys). That in itself wouldn’t be that interesting, except hypnoritual (100% positive buyer feedback, btw) hasn’t modified the keyboard with souped-up filters or advanced envelopes. Instead, they’ve gone and Frankensteined the ultimate in pleasure. According to hypnoritual, his Realistic:
Can still function as a “normal” keyboard if you attach a speaker or headphones to the output – but the speaker has been removed and replaced with parts to turn it into an e-stim device.
The “sounds” become electric sensations. The rhythm patterns act as e-stim programs. This keyboard has 4-note polyphony, and the more keys depressed equals more power for e-stim.
Different voices create different sensations. You can use the 13 envelopes to modify the sensations. You can record your “patterns” and play them back with the record feature.
And here I was, mapping out the ultimate in sexual pleasure through vibration patterns from a series of carefully pre-planned calls to my smartphone like some total Luddite! Before you run off to find your credit card, take heed: as hypnoritual warns, the power of the sex-board isn’t for just everyone (just people who are familiar with the quite literal ins-and-outs of treating their body like an amusement park):
Please don’t purchase this if you are new to e-stim, unless you have the patience to learn how it works. The sky is the limit, especially with the sampling feature since you can import new “sounds” (sensations) all the time.
In other words: Please don’t import the entirety of Stravinsky’s The Rite of Spring into the sampler and go to town, because you might not be able to handle breaching the forbidden tantric plane of sexual pleasure normally reserved for the Cenobites from Hellraiser and Sting. Noted.
