Music

Walmart's crappy in-store music replaced by DJs

by Jeremy Mersereau

U.S. Walmart employees may not have unions, but at least they’ll have their very own tailored radio station.

At the retailers’ annual shareholders meeting in Arkansas last week, executives drew whoops and cheers from the crowd when they announced they’d be retiring an apparently infamous mix CD full of the energizing sounds of Celine Dion and Justin Bieber that’s been looping nonstop in locations across America. In its place will be Walmart Radio, where a real live DJ will be mixing Celine and the Biebs through stores everywhere! The great carousel of progress continues to spin. Note to Walmart Radio DJ: if “Wally World” isn’t played every hour, you’re doing it wrong.

Among the other changes announced at the meeting: dress code tweaks! Going forward, workers will be granted the privilege of being able to wear black or khaki-coloured denim! “We dared to dream, but we never imagined THIS” *bursts into tears as I put on my khaki denim as I head out to my 10-hour minimum wage shift.* I know if I were a Walmart employee, I’d be smiling today, secure in the knowledge that my corporate overlords have my best interests at heart. A radio station and khaki jeans! Move over, unions, clearly you’re no longer needed.

But hold on, don’t get too comfortable Walmart, other employers are taking note:

Looking forward to the Big Box Retail Soundclash this year. My money’s on DJ Fake Money of the Canadian Tire Crew.

[H/T The Washington Post]