Music

DJ Funk Flex live-Instagrammed his emergency trip to a women's washroom

by Richard Howard

A little backstory, so Funkmaster Flex doesn’t come off as a deviant: At an unnamed location in Scarsdale, New York the very yelly DJ felt a hot one coming on — but the establishment only had the key for the women’s bathroom. Presumably bellowing ‘when you gotta go, you gotta go’ into an imaginary mic, he charged off into the ladies’ facilities. Of all the rotten luck, four members of the fairer sex entered just as he was getting comfortable in his stall.

Damn…. In Scarsdale… They only had key for women’s bathroom… And 4 women just walked in…. Shit… ( one is telling a story about cheating on her hubby ) this isn’t good… Fuck… They not leaving… Bad day…

Don’t worry Flex – just stay quiet as a mouse like we know you excel at and you won’t get… oh, wait.

I know they see the size 12 in the stall …. And they just got mad quiet.. ?????

Funk blames his manly sneaks but something tells me he ain’t no silent shitter. (I’m not proud of this, but since I saw this I’ve gone into conniptions imaganing Flex narrating his bowel movements. “It’scha boy! Number Two! Coming down the line!”)

Sadly, it seems that Flex, while a fine narrator, is a piss poor storyteller. Giving us no conclusion, we’re left to imagine how his ordeal ended (in my mind, he walked out the stall nonchalantly, washed his hands, said ‘sup’ to the ladies and strolled out whistling the theme to RIDE With Funkmaster Flex). Hilariously, the next pic we’re presented with is him clinking champagne glasses with rapper Meek Mill.

So. If Meek Mill shows up to his album release with a mean case of pink-eye, we know what that means: Flex nasty and don’t wash his hands.