Music

One Direction member quits tour and devastates the teens of the internet

by Josiah Hughes

Zayn Malik has always been One Direction’s rebel, lighting up cigarettes with abandon as he gazes longingly into your soul. He added some much-needed edge to the lad band, but that might be over now — Zayn has reportedly quit 1D.

The pouty, brooding bad boy is on a leave of absence from the band and, perhaps showing their side as heartless businessmen, the remaining members Louis, Harry, Niall and Liam are simply touring without him. Zayn peaced out from the group’s Asia tour last week, flying home to spend time with his family in the UK.

Rather insensitively, the band were “#makinglightofasituation” when Liam Payne backstabbingly covered up the singer’s face at a press junket:

According to a spokesperson from One Direction, Zayn’s taking a break due to exhaustion. “Zayn has been signed off with stress and is flying back to the UK to recuperate,” the representative said. “The band wish him well and will continue with their performances in Manila and Jakarta.”

As it turns out, however, the exhaustion could stem from the mountains of groupies he’s allegedly been climbing. Though he’s currently engaged to Perrie Edwards of the British pop group Little Mix, he’s been caught with some other female companions on numerous occasions.

Right before he flew home, he was photographed holding hands with a young girl in Thailand. Pretty fucked up, to be sure, and Edwards was later spotted leaving their shared home with some giant bags. Though she claims to stand by her Zayny boy in this trying time, he’s reportedly flown home to patch things up.

As with all things One Direction, their relationship (abbreviated to “Zerrie”) is considered by some to be another fabrication of the band’s sinister management team Modest. A Tumblr called Calling Out the Bullshit, for example, appears to be an IRL version of Let Larry Live, suggesting that Zayn is the victim of a fabricated relationship so his team can make money somehow.

Whether that’s true or not, the Daily Star reports that Zayn will do anything to stop singing grocery-store pop songs with four miniature Top Man models, and he’s actively trying to quit One Direction. “At the moment he’s convinced he wants out,” a source told the tabloid. “He is finding it all too much and wants to quit the group. His legal team is seeing what the situation is. There is a strong chance he will have to fulfil his commitments and he might change his mind once he’s had time away from the spotlight. But as it stands he’s not keen to continue.”

Temporary or not, Zayn’s departure from One Direction has sent a wave through the internet, with tweeny tiny vloggers pouring their hearts out in poorly lit, barely audible YouTube posts. Some of the most recent rants are available below.