Music

This right-winger believes hipsters are ruining the world

by Mark Teo

In the last decade-ish, the word “hipster” has been a moving target—usually, it’s been a catch-all term for those interested in culture. But the parameters for hipsterdom have varied: Some have attempted to limit the non-phenomenon to places like Williamsburg and Portland. Others have associated the musical zeitgeist with hipsterdom—everything from baroque pop, to IDM, to post-punk has fallen under the hipster umbrella. Then, there’s diets (local, gluten-free), transportation (bikes, motorcycles), small liberal arts colleges, and—well, the list goes on.

Indeed, whatever hipsters are, they’ve been called a lot of things. But one thing they’ve never been called? War-mongers. That is, until author and Fox News host Greg Gutfeld penned Not Cool, a book that argues that hipsters—and their worship of The Cool, no relation to Miles Davis—are enslaving the regular populace, all while waging war on our personal liberties.

Here’s the book’s cover.

So, how are hipsters waging their wars? In less sophisticated terms, Gutfeld argues that hipsters—and their desire to be cool—are creating a stranglehold on culture. Hipsters, he says, aren’t just trust-fund kids who are attempted to launch their music career: No, they control the media (that’s us!), the academic sphere, and the business world.

And, says Gutfeld, who also penned a book called The Joy of Hate, they’re attacking good ole-fashioned conservative values. “The cool fawn over terrorists, mock the military, and denigrate employers,” the book’s description boasts. “They are, in short, awful people.”

The book, he says, is about “reclaiming the real American ideal of cool—building businesses, protecting freedom at home and abroad, taking responsibility for your actions, and leaving other people alone to live as they damn well please. Not Coolfights back against the culture of phonies, elitists, and creeps who want your soul.”

We, of course, haven’t read the book. But an excerpt of the book gives us a clearer view of Gutfeld’s argument: He believes that politics are cool, so long as they’re liberal; he believes that edgy entertainment is subverting traditional values; he claims that coolness is inherently valueless (which is partially right) and that it breeds a sense of dependency and entitlement (which is likely an ad hominem attack unrelated to Gutfeld’s central argument).

In other words: He believes that The Cool enslaves people by controlling societal norms. “If you don’t agree with them no one will like you,” he writes.“If you don’t follow them you will miss out on life.If you don’t listen to them you will die a lonely loser.”

So, is this American right-wing sensationalism? It seems so. Keep in mind, like Illuminati conspiracies, these arguments cater to the lowest common denominator: It’s based on an irrational fear of elites, an absurd fear of change, and, broadly, binary-driven arguments (you’re either cool or you’re not; you’re either a culture-maker or an average person; you either back business or you back laziness).

Still, like Illuminati theorists, many of these fears are essential American stupidity. Dig deeper, and these attitudes—a hatred of imaginary elites, a fear of change—come from pre-industrial right-wing fervour, which blamed a changing world on any group they could: Socialists, Freemasons, and—how could we forget!—Jewish people. (And yes, there are certainly deeply ingrained racist tendencies just below the surface, here. It’s not hard to draw connections in right-wing rhetoric from “elites” to New World Order conspiracies, many of which are undoubtedly racist. It’s gross.)

So, what do you think: Are hipsters really waging war on us? Or is this just another excuse to flaunt misguided platitudes about free speech and libertarianism?