12 Record Store Day releases no one ever asked for

by Mark Teo

March 3, 2014

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We have a complicated relationship with Record Store Day. While we love that it brings in revenue—and lots of it—to independent music boutiques worldwide, it’s also become a complete industry cash-grab. Sometimes, that’s not such a bad thing: Undoubtedly, labels prepare decent, unreleased material for the event (see: Sub Pop’s offerings) or prep rereleases of cult classics (see: Life of Agony’s River Runs Red). But other times, as AUX writer Devin Friesen has noted, it’s a vessel for complete garbage: There’ll be reissues of albums released six months prior, fistfuls of Metallica live sets, and mindboggling split singles. That, and Bruno Mars 10-inches.

Indeed, plenty of RSD releases—which, defying its independent-record-store-supporting sheen, are released by majors—are literal trash destined for the trash. Like what? Start with these 12 records.

 

Jay Z and Linkin Park – Collision Course 10th anniversary reissue

Somehow, our damaged, traumatized memories managed to repress the memory of this sordid collaboration. Thanks, Record Store Day, for bringing this aural abortion back into our lives.

 

The Doors curated by Record Store Day

Because we really needed RSD organizers picking their favourite Doors track in the least consequential best-of album ever created.

 

Nick Lowe – Quality Street picture disc

Listen, I love Nick Lowe’s take on power pop more than most. Moreover, I love my ass some Quality Street chocolates. Heck, I even love this Christmas LP—but Lowe’s records literally litter every used-vinyl bin everywhere, and did Quality Street really need the picture disc treatment? I mean, who’s buying this stuff?

 

Vitamin String Quartet plays In Rainbows

This L.A. string quartet plays tributes to plenty of wonderful rock albums. It totally sounds like something you’d spend 10 minutes watching on YouTube, right? Fair enough. But no one needed an hour-long string interpretation of a late-game Radiohead album on 180 gram virgin vinyl.

 

Green Day’s b-sides from Unos, Dos, Tres

Even the most ardent of Green Day supporters knew that a their trilogy—Unos, Dos, Tres—was a little excessive. (To wit: The trio were among Green Day’s worst-selling albums.) You know what’s even more excessive, though? A RSD release that compiles the b-sides from those sessions.

 

Lou Reed’s Tranformer

This, of course, wouldn’t be such a transgression if, a., we weren’t readily able to find copies of Transformer, and b., since this RSD exclusive “will be released to other retailers in the future.” Some kind of exclusive, guys.

 

The Nevermind jigsaw puzzle

Nevermind’s first generation of fans are now becoming mums and dads, and what better way to celebrate parenthood and Kurt Cobain than to issue Nevermind alongside a children’s game? We hate ourselves for typing that.

 

Earth Crisis – Firestorm reissue

Somewhere in Syracuse, New York, a 40-year-old militant vegan in JNCOs, an inverted visor (sorry, a “raincatcher”), and cruelty free Airwalks is pumped about this reissue. Like, face-tattoo pumped. A FIRESTORM. FOR PURITY.

 

Grey Area – Fanbelt Algebra reissue

Remember Victory Records was less concerned with dubstep breakdowns, more concerned with mosh metal? Remember when every Vic release was stamped with a Raybeez memorial? Those were the days, bud. Satisfaction is a stone-cold classic. But also, remember when ex-members of Warzone paired with NYHC session players to write completely forgettable, mid-tempo pop-punk? No? Yeah, neither do we. (Actually, I’m taking the piss here. I bought this record when I was 16, from the dollar bin at Toronto’s Vortex Records. It was decent, if completely unmemorable. But needing of a reissue? Hell no.)

 

Nirvana’s In Utero tribute

After Metallica, Nirvana is probably RSD’s most beloved band. So, along with the Nevermind jigsaw puzzle, RSD pulled together a tribute from swoopy haired, early-’00s heavy hitters like These Arms Are Snakes and Circa Survive. The Mean Jeans cover of “Very Ape” almost saves this tribute. Almost.

 

John Denver and the Muppets

The John Denver and the Muppets Christmas album, prior to being re-released, would’ve been absolute gold for fratboys who hang ironic “vinyls” on their shitty college dorm walls. (“Bro, hang it up right beside that hilarious Culture Club records!”) This reissue, however, is destined for the landfill.

Jamiroquai Rock Dust Light Star double-CD

This isn’t virtual. It’s real, actual insanity.

Tags: Music, News, Earth Crisis, green day, Jay-Z, john denver, Linkin Park, Lou Reed, Nirvana, Radiohead, Record Store Day, The Doors, Vitamin String Quartet

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