Kanye’s wedding isn’t the first thing Burger King has tried to sponsor. No, the marketers behind the Whopper are more savvy still: They sponsored the launch of Windows 7 with a—you got it—seven-patty burger.

The BK Charcoal Black

“Black Skinheads” was an undeniable banger—and one rife with anti-racist themes. The BK Charcoal Black, available in Singapore, is the complete opposite of the song: It’s an atrocity that slaps burger patties and turkey bacon into a “bamboo charcoal bun.” And what, exactly, is a bamboo charcoal bun? We don’t want to know.

The Meat Monster

“You fixed me up something that was good for my soul, famous homemade chicken soup, can I have another bowl?” Kanye raps on “Hey Mama.” Well, BK’s Japan-only Meat Monster has another proposition: Instead of chicken soup, how about adding a chicken patty to a whopper with bacon? That’ll surely nourish the soul—all while punishing your bowels.

The BK Pumpkin Bomb

After his numerous scuffles—with racist teenagers, paps, and more—plenty called Kanye a nut. They weren’t being literal, of course, but with this burger, BK is: Along with fried pumpkin slices, it features a sauce made from peanuts, cashews, hazelnuts, and more.

The 15-Strip Burger

Leave it to Kanye to rhyme “assalam alaikum”—and Arabic phrase used as a greeting—with bacon. (He did it on “Power,” FYI.) And if it’s bacon he seeks, Burger King Japan has the solution: This heavy-breathing monstrosity has 15 slices of the smoked stuff.

The Cheesy Whopper

“You gonna make them eggs cheesy with grits or nah,” Kanye asks in “Power.” Well, maybe not them eggs, but Burger King definitely made their classic Whopper cheesy—in this case, they added a breaded, deep-fried slab of cheese to it. Lactaid, anyone?

The X-Tra Long

According to “Breathe In, Breathe Out,” Kanye “always had a Ph.D.: a Pretty Huge Dick.” Well, why not match his, uh, academic credentials with a similar-sized sammy? This submarine-esque burger has three (!!!) burger patties, topped with astro cheese, jalapenos, onion rings, and BBQ sauce, all designed to provide you with an X-Tra Long stint in the bathroom. Thankfully, these are only available in Austria and the Netherlands.

The Bolognese Burger

Kanye apparently “shop so much, I can speak Italian.” So surely, he’ll love the bolognese burger, which pairs a tomato sauce with hash browns, a pork patty, and cheese. Bellissimo. (Are we doing this right?)

The Sprout Surprise

Jay-Z will surely be at the Kanye and Kim wedding, and hey, is dude still on that vegetarian tip? If so, BK has the answer: The sprout surprise, a burger featuring a breaded, deep-fried patty constituted of brussels sprouts. Wait, scratch that—this creation totally isn’t vegetarian.

Battered sweet corn nuggets

Famously, Talib Kweli rapped that “you as corny as socks with sandals.” Well, Kanye’s wedding should be as corny as deep fried sweet corn nuggets. Thanks for this edible abortion, Burger King Hong Kong.

Winter Double King Pizza

Kanye’s no stranger to excess, and neither is this bizarre pizza creation: Boasting a fried-shrimp crust, it’s slathered in mayonnaise and features crab, corn, beef, egg, broccoli and—well, we could go on, but we won’t. Top this shit, Pizza Hut.

The Pizza-Sized Burger

If we’re to believe him, Kanye’s clique is supremely important to him. Thankfully, BK has an impressively upsized meal he can share with them: Namely, this 8.8 inch burger, which comes in fresh avocado or nacho cheese flavours. We have no idea why the photo, above, is adorned with Christmas decorations. Is this massive burger a Yuletide tradition in Japan, where it hails from?