Sports

10 professional wrestlers who look like Fucked Up's Damian Abraham

by Aaron Brophy

It’s no secret that Damian Abraham, the lead singer of Fucked Up, is a fan of professional wrestling.

Whether it’s donning the crimson mask in his own band’s performances, straight up marking out for Chris Jericho on the Danko Jones podcast, or reviewing The Last Of McGuinness documentary for Live Audio Wrestling, it’s clear Abraham appreciates the squared circle.

But Abraham isn’t just a wrasslin’ enthusiast—he actually looks like the sort of grappler you’d see on the indie circuit losing to someone with a name like Hollywood Rick Rockbody.

The hairy, beardo wobble-belly is one of the great archetypes in professional wrestling. And if Abraham didn’t already Bundy splash his way through concert halls using the nickname Pink Eyes, you could easily envision an alternate reality where Man Mountain Damian was the master of the dog collar chain match.

Don’t believe us? Check out these 10 professional wrestlers who look like Damian Abraham:

A-Train/Prince Albert

Though his most recent incarnation was as the well-tattooed Tensai, big man Matt Bloom’s most “Damian” period came as the abundantly back-haired, multiple-pierced Prince Albert/A-Train in the early 2000s.

Damian-ness: 3/5

Mad Dog Maurice Vachon

One of wrestling’s all-time great heels, Vachon passed away in November 2013 at age 84. In 1987 the Quebecker was hit by a car while jogging and lost a leg, but in true showman fashion would occasionally make appearances at wrestling events, getting his artificial leg pulled off as a sight gag. We’d like to think Damian would act similarly if he suffered the same injury.

Damian-ness: 3.5/5

 

Bastion Booger

Sort of like an angry Q-Bert bathed in garbage juice, Bastion Booger’s character terrorized the WWF for a short period in the early ’90s. His finishing move—a face sitting—was particularly disturbing. Damian could easily incorporate this into Fucked Up sets.

Damian-ness: 4/5

 

Kamala

Kamala was one of Andre The Giant’s greatest enemies in the 1980s. The belly-slapping, the chest art… if Damian came to the stage accompanied by Skandor Akbar you’d barely be able to tell the two apart.

Damian-ness: 2.5/5

 

Ralphus

Ralphus was hired to be Chris Jericho’s personal security guard in the late ’90s. He doesn’t really look like Damian. This is mostly just a cautionary reminder for folks to eat well and exercise at least three times a week. Also, Ralphus ruled.

Damian-ness: 1/5

 

Boris Zhukov

Boris Zhukov (real name Jim Harrell) was one of a number of “Russian” heels exploiting the natural xenophobic bent of the average wrestling audience in the ’80s and ’90s. One of his notable traits was his giant head.

Damian-ness: 2.5/5

 

One Man Gang

There’s a certain je ne sais quoi about ’80s star One Man Gang that carries a very “Damian” vibe. Sure Pink Eyes doesn’t sport a mohawk, but OMG tends to take spirited photographs in much the same way as Abraham. And when Fucked Up make their inevitable foray into ’70s African psych rock “Abra-heem, The African Dream” can’t be far away.

Damian-ness: 3/5

 

Damián 666

Luchador Damián 666 shares a name with our favourite Brokencyde interviewer, but the thought of Abraham ever attempting a tornillo stage dive into the crowd is frightening.

Damian-ness: 0.5/5

 

Erick Rowan

As part of the Deliverance-inspired hillbilly cult The Wyatt Family, Erick Rowan has distinguished himself mostly by wearing a creepy sheep mask. Rowan’s probably closer to USA Out Of Vietnam’s Jonathan Cummins.

Damian-ness: 2.5/5

 

Belton Creedmore

Indie extreme wrestler Belton “The House Of Pain” Creedmore not only has the beard and the bulk, but he also has a nu metal band called Nefarious. That’s some weird doppelgänger business right there.

Damian-ness: 4.5/5