Music

'Date Edge' is a straight edge dating site

by Mark Teo

If you’ve ever experimented with online dating, you’ll know the myriad headaches of the hookup-shere: If you don’t smoke, even a casual cigarette consumer can seem stinky. Some people can’t deal with alcohol, while others can’t function socially without it. Some are 4:20 friendly; others have a stricter drug policy than the military. Some get boners from sexy horsies. And the list goes on. And on.

So, by the time you’ve found someone who’s deemed a match, it ends up being a disgusting walking Fedora who, like, lives in Tampa, Fla. And if you think your dating life is complicated, imagine how complicated it must be for the straight edge set—those who don’t drink, don’t do drugs, and, depending on if you’re an Earth Crisis devotee, may subscribe to veganism and be saving themselves for marriage.

But there’s good news: If you’re the type of person who goes to a party and makes dad jokes about root beer kegs, we have the dating site for you: Date Edge. Because these mega babes (including, apparently, a cool teen with a Tom Delonge lip ring) await.

Straight edge kids, the site says, need a date too. In its own words:  “Date Edge is a simple, fun dating site for people who are straightedge. And for the people that love them. …or who want to love them. Are you tired of other dating sites that are out of step with your needs and desires? So are we.”

We decided to log into Date Edge, just to see what the experience is like. Just like plenty of sites allow users to display their smoker / drinker status, Date Edge has users listing the degree of their edge.

As well as your so-called drug-friendliness.

Meanwhile, a foray through the actual site itself displays the variety of the people claiming edge. Indeed, here’s plenty of diverse interests on display: One user, 18-year-old American xxxtooedgeformyowngoodxxx, loves “expanding my orifices,” and has the giant plugs to prove it. Edgedaddy666, from Wyoming, apparently loves Versace bedsheets. User Vief, meanwhile, is into Lolita outfits, ice cream, and, of course, mernicorns.

Be still, our collective hearts. In the meantime, if you’re curious but non-committal about Date Edge, read this informative B9 thread about the topic, or sign up to see if you can find any ex-members of Good Clean Fun or Earth Crisis face tattoo guy (it’s not as unlikely as you’d think). Like the edge itself, if you’re not on Date Edge now, you never were. So what are you waiting for?