Music

13 ska-punk songs that almost ruined Christmas

by Mark Teo

In the late ’90s, ska was an adolescent rite of passage on par with Noxzema, Dep hair gel, and stuffed animal backpacks. During the era, everyone we knew took whatever skills they learned in band class and started ska bands, and the long-lasting results were nothing short of horrifying: It’s the era that gave us a cover album called Metalliska. It’s a time when serious-minded music fans listened to a band called Skankin’ Pickle. It’s an era that birthed the longboard, the frosted tip, the bleached soul patch, and Mark McGrath’s nipple ring.

But it’s also an era that, while obsessed with the novelty of upstroked power chords and distorted choruses, produced legions of forgettable covers. Everything was a ska cover—and little was sacrosanct. The Partridge Family theme song got the ska treatment, blending smarmy nostalgia with upstroked power chords; Joy Division got the ska treatment, blending checkered suspenders with maybe-ironic Nazi regalia; and holiday carols got the ska treatment, blending grating seasonal jingles with band-camp horns. Indeed, way before Bad Religion’s Christmas album and when Punk Goes Christmas Vol. 283901 was but a distant yuletide dream, Billabong cargo-short punks turned to ska-punk covers, and the results were mostly horrifying. We picked through the wreckage to bring you these 13, uh, classics.

 

No Doubt – “Oi to the World”

Oi! to the world, sings midriff queen Gwen Stefani, because even bomber-jacket rocking, questionably white supremacist skins deserve a little yuletide cheer.

 

RX Bandits – “You For Christmas”

The pros: This isn’t a cover of Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas is You,” which is an untouchable holiday banger. The cons: It’s a song by the RX Bandits.

 

Big D and the Kids Table – “Have Yourself a Wicked Hardcore Christmas”

After listening to this limp, Boston-centric track, we won’t be having a wicked hardcore anything.

 

Less Than Jake – “Frosty the Snowman”

Less Than Jake have at least three Christmas covers, but we like “Frosty the Snowman” the most—mostly, because it sounds less like a Christmas carol, and more like an average Less Than Jake song.

 

Goldfinger – “White Christmas”

Remember the goth dude in this band? He was probably all, “Why in the hell are we covering a Christmas song? Jesus Christ probably wasn’t even a real guy, and this holiday is crass, commercial tripe for all the sheeple to baa baa baa—” Then, John Feldman would be like, “Alright, whatever you say, Skinny Puppy man.”

 

Save Ferris – “Christmas Wrapping”

Wanna feel old? This song was written when Beanie Babies were the hottest Christmas ticket. Welp.

 

Rancid – “X-mas Eve (She Got Up and Left Me)”

Thankfully, this Rancid track isn’t a punkified version of a Christmas carol, but sadly, it’s still a Rancid original—which means that it’s half about Christmastime sorrow, half about getting a word like “Dedication” (or “Brotherhood,” “East Side Radicals,” or “Skunx”) tattooed across your stomach in an Olde English font.

 

Ska Santas – “Here Comes Santa Claus”

This is the Christmastime equivalent of shin-length Dickies shorts or, conversely, what a longboard lifestyle boutique sounds like in Long Beach, California.

 

SKAYway – “Jingle Bells”

Certain Japanese bands act as bizarre mirrors to Western pop culture, often emulating their U.S. counterparts so closely, it veers into parody. Case in point: SKAYway’s “Jingle Bells,” which is, essentially, their answer to “Oi! to the World.”

 

The Mighty Mighty Bosstones – “This Time of Year”

Surprisingly, a festive sprinkling of bells actually goes a long way in counteracting Dicky Barrett’s two-pack-a-day growl. Also, in case you were wondering—they do, in fact, bust out into “Jingle Bells” during the horn solo in “This Time of Year.”

 

Reel Big Fish – “Mele Kalikimaka”

Ska sounds like the garish tropical adolescence we never had, and Reel Big Fish realize this—and that’s why their goofy cover of Bing Crosby’s Hawaiian Christmas song makes perfect sense.

 

MXPX – “Gimme Christmas”

OK, so here’s a little break from programming: This MXPX track isn’t exactly ska, but it’s perhaps the most embarrassing song on this list. And true to their Christian punk M.O., this song’s about rejecting the commercialism of Christmas and focusing on the true message of the holiday—it’s about love, charity, giving. But also about trusting your eternal soul to Jesus Christ, who was the son of God but born in the flesh, and after giving his blood to redeem the sins of humanity, now sits at the right hand of the Father, simultaneously flawed yet completely awesome and divine. He also happens to be a chill guy, MXPX would like to add. So yeah, toss money into a Salvation Army Christmas kettle or something.

 

Voodoo Glow Skulls – “Feliz Navidad”

Voodoo Glow Skulls have been known to swap between English and Spanish, so naturally, there’s no better ska band in the world equipped to cover “Feliz Navidad.”