Music

11 reasons we'll never forget Chuggo

by Mark Teo

Irony and post-irony are confusing things—when what’s bad becomes good and becomes bad yet again, as music listeners, we become disoriented. That’s why we’re thankful for guys like one-time viral sensation Chuggo, who, like Scott Stapp’s newest song, is universally hailed as complete, valueless crap.

Of course, he and his incorrigible crew, Toronto’s Lakeshore Stranglers, never tried to create decent music, much less high-concept fare: Mostly, on Act Like You Might Know and numerous battle raps, Chuggs barked about drugs, banging your sister, and then banging your sister some more. (Oh shit, did he actually bang your sister?) And he was so willfully ignorant, misogynist, and flat-out stupid that Chuggo didn’t warrant any critical attention—though Exclaim! did give him an excellent review.

Cue Nelson from The Simpsons.

 

Nonetheless, we love this depraved scumbag: Not only is he hilarious, and likely intentionally so, but he’s also completely unforgettable. Here are 11 reasons why.

 

1. He wrote “Ah C’Mon”

Chuggs now reportedly lives in Montreal with his kids—yes, he’s a family man—and still participates on the battle rap circuit with King of the Dot. But ground zero for Chuggo begins with “Ah C’Mon,” or, as it’s affectionately called, “C’Mon Fuck a Guy.” Far from being an ode to homophilic attraction, though, the video was an introduction to Chuggo’s universe: The sceptre-toting Lakeshore rapper explains that he slathers everything in mayonnaise, fucks all day (“that’s why I stink”), and pins signs on adversaries proclaiming, “I can’t rap.”

And if that weren’t bad enough, he also claimed that your mother’s nether regions smell like “a muskrat.” And just in case that needed further explanation, here’s the Chuggs himself:

 

4. He somehow got Immortal Technique to appear on his album

Consider “The People Are Shit” Chuggo’s attempt at conscious rap—only because legendary New York MC Immortal Technique’s on it. But while the revolution-minded rapper’s verse takes aim at a broken prison system, two-faced record-industry types, and church-inspired state laws, Chuggo acts as a balance, rapping about slurping cum shots, hookers, and the fact that he’s like “a yeast infection… to pussy MCs.” Right.

 

5. He wrote songs so shockingly misogynist, it’d make dickless men’s rights assholes cringe

The title of the song is “Had Her When She Was Hot.” We could go on about how it’s an abhorrent piece of slut shaming, but like, you already knew that from the song’s name.

 

6. He once got slapped by 12 women

It may not be penance exactly, but to be fair to Chuggo, it looked like it hurt.

 

7. He’s actually a hilarious battle rapper

And there’s something that rings true about Chuggo’s assertion that “Cornwall kind of sounds like an asshole.” An even better punchline? “I’m going to show you all that I’m right. I fucked your mom in the Cornwall last night.” Ouch.

 

8. He actually shaved a bald spot into his head

I don’t even know what Chuggo’s going on about in this video, but kudos for skipping the combover and telling Rogaine to go fuck itself.

 

9. He did an entire freestyle about pooping his pants

Because you’re not a full-grown adult unless you’ve sharted yourself (and lived to tell about it).

 

10. He’s not afraid to shit the tub

And Chuggo’s a man of his word: Forget shitting your pants, he left a surprise in some unfortunate dude’s hot tub.

 

 

11. When he says “ranch,” you say “sauce.” RANCH! SAUCE!

Now that’s a chant we can get behind.