Music

17 songs about Canadian small towns

by Mark Teo

If you’ve ever vacationed overseas, you quickly learn one thing about travelling Canadians: folks who say they’re “from Toronto” are almost never from Toronto. While vacationing, being “from Toronto” usually means you’re from Barrie. Or Newmarket. Or Burlington. Or—well, you get the point. This tells us a key truth about Canada: even if plenty celebrate allegiance to big cities, many didn’t actually grow up in them. Or live in them at all, for that matter. We’re scattered across small towns, remote villages, and even—gasp!—suburbs, and these places deserve love too. So here, from Brampton to Amherst, are 17 songs celebrating the lesser-known corners of Canada.

Big shout out to our readers, who submitted some of these videos in the comments section of our story about Canadian rap anthems.

BROCKVILLE, ON—Peter C. Liardi, “My River City Home“

Brockville, ON, a.k.a. Brockapulco, is a mid-sized town in Ontario’s 1,000 Islands stretch. Home to fine watering holes such as Bud’s On the Bay, The Keystorm Pub, and the (reputedly sketch) J.R. Bailey’s, Brockville also produced ex-Maple Leaf defender Todd Gill, ex-Ottawa Senator GM Randy Sexton, and this uber Upper Canadian-sounding folk song.

VICTORIA, BC—Langdon Auger, “Island Nites”

Langdon Auger’s balmy tribute to his hometown actually has us all charmed: It’s all juiceheads by the beach, Pita Pit pitas, and bottoming out your car outside a Wendy’s. (Frosties, anyone?) These things all sound terrible, but Langdon’s sweet, sweet flow makes it all better.

BOBCAYGEON, ON: The Tragically Hip, “Bobcaygeon”

Bobcaygeon, ON, is a 3,000-person town in central-eastern Ontario. Its claim to fame? One of the area’s oldest swing bridges and, well, the Tragically Hip’s ode to gay cops, “Bobcaygeon.” The Hip remain central to the town’s identity. (Seriously: It was massive, massive news when they came to play the town back in 2011.)

ST. JOHN’S, NFLD—Donny Dumphy, “Havin’ a Time”

Donny Dumphy’s portrayal of Newfoundland is all about screech, salt beef, and sailor caps. That, and gambling. (Though everyone is a winner-gagnant after watching this delectable vid.) No, it doesn’t exactly bust any Newfie stereotypes—but does it need to?

STRATHROY, ON: Candyland, “Strath Vegas”

Located just outside of London, ON, Strathroy is best-known for an event called Turkeyfest that celebrates, uh, turkeys. That, and Candyland, who is, as far as we can tell, the rap game Johnny Depp.

SASKATOON, SK—Sonny James, “A Little Bit South of Saskatoon”

Saskatoon calls itself the Paris of the Prairies (or was that Regina?), and perhaps the moniker’s earned: Sonny James loved its railways, women, and Northern Lights so much, he performed this little in number in its name.

BARRIE, ON: Dan Dunlop, “The Barrie Song”

Located to the northwest of Toronto, Barrie formerly hosted mega-venue Molson Park, which hosted the bulk of Southern Ontario’s large-scale summer festivals. Hamilton, ON, singer B.A. Johnston also notoriously loves to razz the town for their love of McDonald’s coupon day and being a sad-sack beach of “dirt and mud.” “Maybe Barrie doesn’t get the love it needs,” he told me in an interview last year. “Because it’s so hateable.” Don’t tell that to Dan Dunlop, who wrote this wonderful nu-age tribute to Colt town.

AMHERST, NS—MDB, Biggz and Burner, “A Dot Royalty”

And how is this real? A half-blind rapper who spends his time slumming it in Amherst, NS pizza joints, slugging back pitchers of… water? Amherst brings it.

ORILLIA, ON—Nate Mills, “The Orillia Song”

It’s seated north of Toronto, right on the lip of Ontario’s cottage country. Their most notable claim? Being the birthplace of folk legend Gordon Lightfoot. The dopey (and surprisingly bleak) country-western of “The Orillia Song” paints it as a veritable paradise of Taco Bells, Tim Hortons, and recreational firearms. Consider us sold.

SOOKE, BC—The Scale Breakers, “Small Town Talent (Remix)”

One of the most charming things about the Scale Breakers is their humility. For real: “Small Town Talents”‘s chorus bashfully dedicates their song to “people who can’t stand me,” while the fellas admit they’re from “Sooke… you probably never came down.” Never change, Scale Breakers.

BRAMPTON, ON—Jinx, “We Don’t Play (Brampton Anthem)”

It’s considered part of the Greater Toronto Area, but Brampton is also the ninth-biggest city in Canada (and home of AUX contrib Chayne Japal). Its primary attractions: Wild Water Kingdom, where Drake legendarily was supposed to hold a pool party, and, according to the video for “We Don’t Play,” fistfuls of nondescript, ’80s-era apartment buildings.

FT. MCMURRAY, AB—Cityreal and Wes Mackey, “Nightlife”

Wait, what? A rap song featuring a grizzled old bluesman, using Ft. McMurray’s notoriously sordid nightlife as a metaphor for the ethical and environmental issues that surround the tar sands? How is this even real?

CHATHAM, ON—Zimm62, “Chat Town Hustle”

As far as we can tell from this video, the Chat Town Hustle involves three things: a. skateboarding, b. breakdancing, and c., more skateboarding. No hustling necessary.

DARTHMOUTH, NS—”Matt Mays, City of Lakes”

It’s really funny that Matt Mays celebrates Dartmouth—the town across the pier from Halifax—for its natural splendour. Until now, we’d assumed that the Dirty D only housed Joel Plaskett, a terrifying strip club and an (admittedly excellent) Value Village.

LONDON, ON—Unknown, “The City of Opportunity”

We’re unclear about how psychedelic Care Bears have to do with being “a city of opportunity,” but then again, we don’t understand how London, ON’s city anthem relates to chopped ‘n’ screwed chair jingles or the Fanshawe riots, either.

WINDSOR, ON—Jarrett Sorko, “Yo, I’m From Windsor Dude”

Puka-shell prince Jarrett Sorko’s song tries to knock Windsor in that charming, self-deprecating way, but give Rose City some credit: Things might be dour there, but at least they’re not bankrupt like their neighbours to the south. (Too soon?)

SUDBURY, ON—Stompin’ Tom, “Sudbury Saturday Night”

The legendary Stompin’ Tom Connors manages to sum up Sudbury in one beautiful rhyming couplet—there, the ladies play bingo and the boys get stinko. The only thing missing? Don Cherry calling bike riders pinkos.