photo via Gawker

Completely unrelated to any major current event scandal, here are five songs about slangin’ dope. Have a great long weekend, everyone!

Master P – “Ghetto D” feat. C-Murder & Slikk Tha Shocker

Dope lyric: “Professional crack slanger, I serve fiends. I once went to jail for having rocks up in my jeans.”

UGK – “Pocket Full Of Stones”

Dope lyric: “My workers got workers, everybody makin’ green. Gettin’ cash for puttin’ stones in the pockets of the fiends.”

2 Chainz – “Crack”

Dope lyric: “I might get an endorsement from baking soda. Catch me cooking crack, trying to make a Rollie!”

Frank Ocean – “Crack Rock

Dope lyric: “You don’t know how little you matter until you’re all alone in the middle of Arkansas with a little rock left in that glass dick.”

Notorious B.I.G. – “The 10 Crack Commandments”

Dope lyric:

“Rule Nombre Uno: never let no one know
How much dough you hold cause you know
The cheddar breed jealousy ‘specially
If that man fucked up, get yo’ ass stuck up
Number 2: never let ’em know your next move
Don’t you know Bad Boys move in silence and violence?
Take it from your highness
I done squeezed mad clips at these cats for their bricks and chips
Number 3: never trust nobody
Your moms’ll set that ass up, properly gassed up
Hoodied and masked up, shit, for that fast buck
She be laying in the bushes to light that ass up
Number 4: I know you heard this before
“Never get high on your own supply”
Number 5: never sell no crack where you rest at
I don’t care if they want a ounce, tell ’em “bounce!”
Number 6: that goddamn credit? Dead it
You think a crackhead paying you back, shit forget it!
7: this rule is so underrated
Keep your family and business completely separated
Money and blood don’t mix like 2 dicks and no bitch
Find yourself in serious shit
Number 8: never keep no weight on you!
Them cats that squeeze your guns can hold jums too
Number 9 shoulda been Number 1 to me:
If you ain’t gettin’ bagged stay the fuck from police
If niggas think you snitchin’ they ain’t trying to listen
They be sittin’ in your kitchen, waiting to start hittin’
Number 10: a strong word called “consignment”
Strictly for live men, not for freshmen
If you ain’t got the clientele, say “hell no!”
Cause they gon’ want they money rain sleet hail snow”

We couldn’t, in good conscience, let this list be comprised solely of hip-hop songs. It just felt wrong. So here’s another song about injecting a dinosaur egg with crack, to create a monster named Gor Gor that will destroy America. Enjoy!

Gwar – “Crack In The Egg”

Dope lyric: “Crack in the egg. Crack in the egg. The time is right. Crack in my pipe.”