Do you spend your days and nights dreaming of a day when Drake will welcome you into the OVO fold? Well, we hate to burst your bubble, but it’s going to be an uphill battle. Based on the “Started From The Bottom” lyrics, a recent t-shirt design he’s been sporting (see above), and his new single with DJ Khaled, Drake has a strict “no new friends” policy.

The odds of making it into Drake’s will are stacked against you, but we put together a list of ways to improve your chances of becoming Drake’s friend. Study the rules below, and keep them in mind the next time you see him dining at Hong Shing at 5AM in Toronto.

Don’t be afraid to tell him when he falls off.

“I had someone tell me I fell off, ooh I needed that.” (“Headlines”)

Know his lyrics.

“Ain’t heard my album? Who you sleepin’ on? You should print the lyrics out and have a fuckin’ read-along.” (“Fuckin’ Problems”)

Give OVO the credit where it’s due.

“We just want the credit where it’s due. I’ma worry about me, give a fuck about you.” (“Started From The Bottom”)

Don’t talk shit; just state facts.

“Me and Chainz go way back. We don’t talk shit, we just state facts.” (“No Lie”)

You don’t have to be hood, but you must understand the streets.

“Uh, it take a certain type of man to teach. To be far from hood, but to understand the streets.” (“Aston Martin Music”)

Get the fuck up out his dressing room confusing him with questions.

Drake: “Get the fuck up out my dressing room, confusing me with questions like…”

Lil Wayne: “Do you love this shit? Are you high right now? Do you ever get nervous? Are you single? I heard you fucked your girl, is it true? You getting money? You think them niggas you with is wit’ you?”

Don’t ask Drake if he’s going to pay for shit.

“And Drizzy got the money, so Drizzy gonna pay it. Those my brothers, I ain’t even gotta say it. That’s just something they know.” (“Headlines”)

Miss him a little when he’s gone.

“But you should miss a little when I’m gone. I just hope you miss me a little when your gone.” (“Miss Me”)

Live and die by the motto. Obviously.

“You only live once, that’s the motto, nigga YOLO.” (“The Motto”)

Oh, and here’s one extra way you can infiltrate Drake’s inner circle, and earn you lifelong V.I.P. status within his crew. Fair warning: this one’s not for the faint of heart.

Be prepared to COMMIT MURDER.

“I got a lotta friends to come up off the strip for me. The same ones that’ll come up off the hip for me.” (“Crew Love”)