Music

Coachella gets its own cruise that surprisingly isn't called Boatchella

by Tyler Munro

Last year’s Coachella Valley Music and Arts festival irked some people because it was inexplicably spread across two weekends, leaving those wishing to see the entire thing scrambling for accommodations throughout the week. But never ones to out do themselves, the promotion company behind the Indio, California festival have announced a newer, even more brain numbing iteration with the S.S. Coachella, which as you might have guessed by its title is going to take place on a boat. In case you forgot, we called this back in January. We can’t speculate on why it’s not called Boatchella, but it’s an obvious oversight.

S.S. Coachella is going to be worth it for a lot of people. Pulp is headlining, which is a great start, and the cruise’s two trips will take its tan-less, booze slogging passengers to either the Bahamas or Jamaica. That actually sounds like a lot of fun. The catch is they’ll have to figure out how to afford it first.

Because the promoters expect that Boatchella’s going to be in high demand, there’s a $250 deposit. That’s pretty reasonable. But there’s also a $200 checkout fee, a mandatory gratuity, that’s not advertised as part of the fare. It gets more confusing from there.

The cruise’s pricing runs on an almost algorithmic grouping system. Once you’ve paid your way into a payment plan, you become a “lead passenger,” making it your job to sign up friends, which you’ll want to do since pricing gets less steep per person the more you bring. Bring four friends and you could be paying as little as $500 each. Plus that extra $200. Don’t worry if you’re travelling alone: they’re working on a way to hook you up with another solo passenger, which in no way at all sounds like it’ll end up with one of you in a bathtub with your kidneys missing. Then you’ve got to factor in what it costs to get to Fort Lauderdale, where the cruise sets sail from. That’s a lot of money for three days, but if you’ve got it, spend it.

The full line-up also includes Black Lips, Girl talk, El P, Killer Mike, Sleigh Bells, !!! and Grimes. There are 22 bands in total.