Music

THIS EXISTS: Hank Williams III's new metal album uses cow auctions in place of actual vocals

by Tyler Munro

Every week, This Exists uncovers and explores musical peculiarities that exist in the dark corners of the internet, sometimes just outside the mainstream. Today we take a look at Hank Williams III’s 3 Bar Ranch Cattle Callin‘, one of the four new albums he released last week and the only one to feature clips from cow auctions as its lead vocals.

Hank Williams III usually does whatever the fuck he wants. Unfortunately, that used to usually involve a lot of heroin. Unfortunately that used to involve a lot of heroin. But not so much anymore, now he just does whatever he wants to musically and sometimes we’re better off for it. Sometimes we’re not. This is one of those other times.

So here’s the scoop: last week Hank Williams III released four albums. That’s not a typo. It was sort of a catharsis for Hank, who, earlier this year (January 1st, actually) finally got out of a tumultuous contract with Curb Records (sometimes known as Sidewalk Records). Of the four new albums he put out last week, two of them—Ghost to a Ghost and Gutter Town, which are packaged together—mix Hank’s unique brand of outlaw country sound with the occasional Cajun and Celtic twist. Then there’s his doom metal album, Attention Deficient Domination, which also kind of rules. Not surprising given Hank’s time in Superjoint Ritual.

Last and certainly least is 3 Bar Ranch Cattle Callin’, which Wikipedia lists as a “Cattlecore” album, and yes, that stupid description actually kind of fits the bill.

“Why?” you ask?

It’s called “cattle core” because it’s a purported speed metal album with vocals pulled almost exclusively from cattle auctions and yes, it’s exactly as annoying as it sounds.

At times there’s an element to the music that strikes eerily reminiscent to some of the early Fantomas material (listen to the first one posted below), but you can chalk that up to the eerie, scratchy weirdness of the guitars and Hank’s occasional, nasal vocal interjections as opposed to any actual worthwhile innovations. I mean, I guess it’s innovative to use mile-an-hour cow calls as your lead vocals, but that’s an innovation of the stupidest variety and Hank Williams III is more than a marathon away from Mike Patton as far as vocal creativity goes. This is, after all, someone who famously started to lose his voice about a decade ago. The problems are amplified once you realize that some songs are on the album twice, once with the auctioneers and again with Hank’s screechy vocals.

So how does this happen? How does such an album get released? Pretty easily, actually—because Hank felt like it. Sometimes his albums sit on the shelf for a while, like Hillbilly Joker did before finally getting released earlier this year (it was recorded in 2003 for Curb Records, who refused to release it). And sometimes his albums don’t sit on the shelves for a while. Sometimes Hank just gets them out, one way or another. This is one of those times where the latter happened when the former should have.

Sure, it’s impressive enough that Hank reportedly played every instrument on 3 Bar Ranch Cattle Callin’, but beyond the occasional instrumental flourish the album is an outright assault on the ears. At best, it’s a stupid, passable novelty. At worst? It’s like landing ear first on a bed of nails. If your curiosity is piqued, well, you’re silly. And a masochist. But don’t let my warnings stop you: there’s a “few” choice cuts posted below and, as a bonus palette cleanser, you can check out the Tom Waits and Les Claypool accompanied “Ghost to a Ghost” below. It’s the title track off one of the other new albums Hank released last week. One of the good ones, because argue all you want about animal cruelty, 3 Bar Ranch Cattle Callin’ is one cow that should’ve been shot before it hit the auction house.

Branded

Tim Dowler — Black Cow

Ghost to a Ghost