THIS EXISTS: Ron Jarzombek transcribes scenes from Bambi and Charlotte's Web into songs

by Tyler Munro

April 14, 2011

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Every week, This Exists uncovers and explores musical peculiarities that exist in the dark corners of the internet, sometimes just outside the mainstream. Today we take a closer look at Ron Jarzombek, a guitarist known as much for his impact and influence as he is his creativity and peculiarities.

Have you seen Bambi? Probably, right? How about Ron Jarzombek? Have you heard of him? Probably not, right?

Ron Jarzombek is the guitar god guitar gods wish they could be. In many ways he’s like his peers—talented with an unfortunate haircut—but what separates Jarzombek from his fellow spider fingered friends is his sense of humour and unique take on how to strum six strings. That and his music doesn’t suck. In the ’80s, he revolutionized technical thrash metal in Watchtower. In the late ’90s, he was pushing the boundaries even further with Spastic Ink. So named because much of their music was written over the mail, Spastic Ink laughed in the face of metal’s previously established technical boundaries.

Instead of spending his time re-recording Bach compositions ad nauseum, Jarzombek comes up with entirely new ways of writing songs. Instead of endlessly shredding rapid-fire notes on two, three or four necked guitars, he’ll assign each note a letter and try to spell out a phrase. Long story short, Ron Jarzombek is a mad scientist on the guitar. He’s continually challenging himself, which brings us back to Bambi.

In 1997, Spastic Ink released Ink Complete, and on it, a song called “A Wild Hare.” Actually, it’s not so much a song as it is an interpretation. “A Wild Hare” takes a scene from Bambi and transcribes it to music, which might not seem like a big deal until you realize it doesn’t just reinterpret the score, but also the dialogue and the sounds of characters coughing and stomping their feet. Watch the video below to hear the song played over the original scene.

Crazy, right? He did it again on Spastic Ink’s next album, Ink Compatible, with a scene from Charlotte’s Web. Watch and listen to “Cereal Mouse” below.

If you’re intrigued, Ron Jarzombek’s been doing things like this his entire career. “Aquanet” opens Spastic Ink’s second album with Ron and his brother Bobby imitating a dial-up modem, and Ron’s 2002 solo album, Solitarily Speaking of Theoretical Confinement is an album of tracks written entirely around unique sets of rules, like “207.222.200.112,” which transcribes Spastic Ink’s old IP address into fret numbers, or “Gimme 5,” which is written entirely around the number five. As Jarzombek’s site says, “All quintuplets, in 5/4 time, 5 measures per phrase. The scale used in the first theme (:00 and :36) is B Major (5 sharps), the 2nd theme (:18 and :54) uses Db Major (5 flats). Also, there are only 5 pitches used for each theme.” Then there’s the “I’ve Got the Runs,” trilogy, three songs in which Jarzombek uses potty humour as an excuse to do exactly what the competition does: shred without restraint.

Spastic Ink – Aquanet

Ron Jarzombek – I’ve Got the Runs Really Bad

So yeah, he’s pretty good at guitar. He also once recorded a four second song during which he somehow makes his guitar sound like a fart.

Ron Jarzombek – PHHHP!

So yeah, he’s also pretty silly.

Blotted Science, an extreme metal take on Jarzombek’s unique talents and a collaboration with Cannibal Corpse bassist Alex Webster and Obscura drummer Hannes Grossmann, is currently working on The Animation of Entomology, a follow-up EP to 2007’s Machinations of Dementia.

Blotted Science – Amnesia

Tags: Music, News, Cannibal Corpse, this exists

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